Bizarre Resume Blunders …

Surprise! We had summer yesterday. It was lovely and sunny and in the high 70’s F. All the outdoor patios were doing brisk business. Today, back to early spring — rain and cold. Ah well, it’s early yet. Although they’re talking about the possibility of snow on the weekend! Blech!!!

 I’ve been very tired the past few days and tonight I’m feeling a wee bit yucky. So before I head off to bed early I’ll leave you with these funnies about what not to say on your resumes….

+—————- Bizarre Resume Blunders —————–+

(From actual resumes as reported by Fortune magazine)

“I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”

“I have lurnt WordPerfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheat
progroms.”

“Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

“Reason for leaving last job: Maturity leave.”

“Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institu-
tions.”

“Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”

“It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”

“Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”

“You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”

“Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

“I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”

“Marital status: Single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved.
No commitments.”

“I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”

“I am loyal to my employer at all costs… Please feel free
to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.”

“I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no
one and absolutely nothing.”

“My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no
training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock
brokerage.”

“I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”

“Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so
far.”

“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest
chain store.”

“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as “job-hopping.”
I have never quit a job.”

“Marital status: often. Children: various.”

“Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employ-
ees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Could not work under
those conditions.”

“The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three
previous employers.”

“Finished eighth in my class of ten.”

“References: None. I’ve left a path of destruction behind
me.”

***

Have a good Thursday all!

Hugs.