A Brother’s Bond

I want to share this story with you that was written by my nephew, Daniel, who is 17. Dan wrote this about his brother, Dylan for a school project earlier this year.  Dylan has always been ‘special’ in many ways to our family. But reading this story gave me new respect for my sister & her husband, and Daniel. I’m very proud of the young man that Dan has become and it often kinds of surprises me to see such a active, sports oriented boy show such talent in story telling and to show such depth of emotion and sensitivity.  He wrote a poem a few years ago that was picked to be published with other poems written by school kids. His parents wouldn’t have known about this story except his teacher was so impressed that she phoned them to ask permission to submit it for another book.  I hope you enjoy it , but  I warn you there’s some strong language in parts and tissues will most likely be needed.

 A Brother’s Bond

(by Daniel Thoroski – March 26th 2007)

I still remember that day crystal clear. I was in grade four, on top of the world, no worries at all. I came home from basketball practice. I walked in the door expecting it to be like any other day. I expected my mom to be in the kitchen making dinner, my dad to be in the shower cleaning off from a hard day’s work and my two brothers in their room playing Nintendo.

By the time I managed to get my first shoe off my foot I could sense, that something was wrong. I ran down the stairs as fast as I could. When I got to the bottom everything was the same except two things, my mother instead of being in the kitchen smiling and making dinner, was sitting on the couch with her hands together and her head down. My dad instead of being in the bathroom covered in dirt from his hard days work. Was sitting beside my mom, his arm over her and his eyes ready to burst out in tears.

    I walked slowly and carefully up to the couch in the living room, knowing full well I was about to encounter bad news. My dad called me over. So I slowly walked over to them and sat across the living room on a different couch. My dad started the conversation off slowly and with caution. I could tell he was choosing his words carefully, the nicest way possible. My dad has always been the type of man to say few words, but the words that came out of his mouth, always meant something in one way or another.

    ‘’Daniel, bud, we took your brother to the hospital today’’ he said with hesitation.

    ‘’Yah I know dad, what happened though?’’ I asked with curiosity knowing the news would be bad, bracing my self for the worst. My dad had always been so strong in front of me, never showing any emotion other then happiness. But this time when he looked up at me, ready to speak. The words couldn’t come out of his mouth. His throat was clogged his eyes were red and filled with tears. Finally his mouth opened.

    ‘’Well we finally figured out what’s wrong with Dylan, Daniel.’’ he said. Suddenly I could find my self, all choked up, I wanted to ask so many questions but I couldn’t find it inside my self to even look up, never mind speak. ‘’ Daniel, Dylan’s going to have a hard life’’ my father went on. ‘’ It isn’t just a learning disability he has, he’s missing a very small piece of his brain, and he will never quite be, like how me and you are.’’ I expected something like that, but I guess as much as you expect some things even when they happen, it hits you hard. I tried to speak but couldn’t, all I could do was gasp for air. My dad seen this news was hurting me. He walked across the room to my couch. Put his arm around me. And said ‘’ He isn’t going to live the type of life, that me and you are, he isn’t going to be on any school sports teams, he isn’t going to have girlfriends, and probably not a wife, we will probably be taking care of him for the rest of our lives’’ he said. Just as I started to feel my worst, my dad, my hero, put his arm around me sucked back his tears and said in a big strong firm voice, ‘’ its ok though because Dylan has us, that’s all he needs, were a family, and we will always be a family, and as long as were with him, we can make his life as happy and amazing as anybody else’s’’. My dad always new what to say, that gave me the strength I needed to hold back my tears just enough to make it up the stairs into my room. When I got to my room I cried and cried and cried. I didn’t think it was fair. I hated God. I even wished I could switch places with him. I remembered all those times, I felt embarrassed when Dylan would come around me and my friends I would tell him to leave never really thinking that he had no where to go no real friends. I remembered those times when my friends would call and Dylan would yell and scream wanting to talk to them, and me being so selfish saying no. I realized then no one ever called for him; he never looked forward to the phone ringing and some one asking for him. I cried all night, eventually I fell asleep my pillow drenched in tears. My mind filled with anger and hate towards my self and God. All night I asked my self the same question why did God punish the most loving and caring person with this?

    The next morning the first thing seen when I opened my eyes, was Dylan’s face right in mine. Breathing heavily he said ‘’ Morning Dan, time for school’’ with a huge smile on his face. I managed to get out of bed and make it half way to the bathroom before I remembered the news from yesterday. Dylan was in Grade 1 at the time, but he wasn’t in a normal class, he always went to a special room, I never really thought about why. That morning I realized why. I walked to school not able to think. It was really bothering me. I went to my class early that morning, sat in front of my desk and just thought about life. The teacher and all my other class mates came running in about 15 minutes later. I’m the type of guy to always have a smile on my face, and always making sure that the people around me do to. But that day I couldn’t be bother I didn’t give a f**k about anyone or anything.

    About 15 minutes before our first recess, Leon my best friend since kinder garden came creeping up to my desk, he like everyone else knew something was wrong with me. He carefully questioned me about it, but after my first two responses he new enough to stop. The bell rang and everyone went running out. I got up tucked in my chair and started to walk out the room. My teacher Miss. Ianetti called me over just as I was about to walk out of the class room, she questioned me. But I was never the type to tell people how if eel so I answered ever question as if nothing was wrong, she told me that the vice principle Mr. Florio wanted to see me, and she told me to take my books.

    Mr. Florio was my favorite teacher, he coached all the sports and me and him had a very good relationship. Hewas also the teacher in charge of my brother. I walked into his office and he told me to take a seat. I grabbed the closest chair to me. Right when he started to talk Dylan walked in the room. ‘Hi Dan’’ he said with a huge smile on his face like always.

‘’Ok Dylan, that’s enough me and your brother need to have a talk, go out for recess’’ Mr. Florio interrupted. Dylan complied, very easily, after Mr. Florio bribed him with candy for when he came back to his class. As soon as Dylan left, Mr.Florio pulled up a seat beside me. ‘’ So what’s the matter Thoroski, you alright?’’

‘’Yeah sir I’m fine’’, trying to suck up every piece of emotion I had bottled up inside.

‘’You know its alright to feel a bit sad about the news you got yesterday you know’’ he said. I felt so stupid; obviously his teacher would be the first to know about his condition.

‘’ Nah its alright really’’ I told him, their was no point even lying to him we both new it wasn’t. But I think he got the point that I really didn’t want to talk about it.

‘’Ok well anyway we called your dad, he is going to pick you up and take you out for lunch, is that alright’’? He said.

‘’Yeah I guess’’ I said quietly as I got up and walked out of the room.

By the time I was ready to go outside for recess it was over. The second period was much like the first I didn’t talk to anyone or do any work. Lunch came around fast and as soon as I stepped out the front door my dads work truck was parked right at the front. The whole ride to Macdonald’s was quiet. By the time we got there and ordered our food I wasn’t sure, when the silence barrier was going to be broken. We sat down and about five French fries in my dad spoke. ‘Are you still upset about yesterday?’’ he asked. As much as I wanted to lie to him just like everyone else I couldn’t.

‘’No I’m not’’ I said. ‘’ I don’t think its fair, first he gets arthritis now this, why is everything on him why not me’’ I finished off dropping my fries back into the package. He took a bite out of his burger rubbed my head.

‘’Just be happy he’s in our lives, let me ask you something’’ he said. ‘Would you trade him for any other brother in the world, would you change anything about him?’’

I thought about it and shook my head. I realized I wouldn’t trade him for anyone in the world, and I wouldn’t change how he is, because that’s why I love him so much. Our lunch finished quick and my dad dropped me back at school. The rest of the day went smooth. As the days went on I forgot about it. My attitude did change though, I realized I would never let any one look down on my brother or they would have to deal with me, and I would give him what ever he wants. For him the small things make him happy, going for rides, sitting in the front seat, talking on the phone with my friends for a minute. Chilling with me and my friends and every other small thing he loved doing I would, give in to. I guess you can say I matured.

A few years later I was in grade 8, king of the school everyone listened to me, I was the so called cool guy, the captain of all the sports teams I got my fair share of girls, from my school and other schools in the area. One day a pack of girls came running up to me. I knew they had something important to say so I stopped the soccer game I was playing. The girl who ran the fastest was the first one to speak.

‘’Daniel some kid called your brother a retard’’ she said as she was gasping for air.
The crowd around me grew I didn’t even bother to think or ask questions, all I said was where is he. The girls brought me to the kid. Some ugly looking grade 7 kid no one liked, I didn’t say anything I threw him against the wall, then to the ground. Eventually I found my self on top of him, just punching him in the face a countless amount of times, the whole time I could hear one voice, saying  ‘Dan stop, please’ and one hand was trying to pull me back. But I lost it eventually a teacher pulled me off of the kid. As I was getting up off the ground I seen Dylan, his face red, he looked scared, about to cry, then it clicked it was him trying to pull me off, him saying stop. The whole time I was in the office, all I could think was why Dylan would try to protect someone who spoke to him like that. I couldn’t understand why he never acted badly to anyone, even people who treated him like shit. He would stick up for the very same person that stabbed him in the back. I knew that everyone got the point, don’t talk about Dylan. I went into the office and got my suspension reduced a little, because of my explanation the principle kind of related. As I was walking home with my suspension letter, I realized how much I admired my brother, I realized how much love he had in his heart, and I found my self jealous of him. Jealous that it wasn’t easy for me to love and it was so easy for him to love even the worst. My parents were angry with me, but I think my ad understood it a little more then my mom.

Years past by, many things changed. I was now in high school grade 11, I guess you can say I went down hill. I guess you can say I was a disappointment. I was no longer the amazing athlete I once was, I was know longer getting 70’s or 80’s in my classes, instead I was getting 6 love in dominoes, and detention’s for skipping class. I guess you can say I started to forget about my family, I started spending a lot less time with them, especially my brothers. But I hardly thought of it. I started to brush them off, come up with excuses not to spend time with them. It was the end of the year; Dylan’s graduation came, at first I tried to brush it off. But I quickly realized this was something I couldn’t miss. The whole day he was so excited, he had showered, had his suit with everything but his tie on, he walked into my room and his suit looked like a mess, but he was so proud of himself for doing it all by himself, I congratulated him on it. Its pretty funny when you learn that his graduation ceremony started at 7. My dad came home at about 5 and after a few different offers of gummy worms and cookies Dylan finally conceded to take off his suit, shower again and let my dad get him ready. At about 6 o’clock Dylan walked into my room again, and again he was dressed from head to toe except tie. He had the tie in his hand, put it up in the air and nodded his head as if he wanted me to tie it. I got off the phone, and complied. After I was done tying the tie I put it around his neck. He looked up at me and smiled.

‘’I look handsome huh Dan’’ he said with a big grin on his face.
‘’Yeah of course man, your going to get all the girls tonight’’ I said trying to fight back the tears. ‘’ You know what Dill’’ I said.
‘’What’’ he answered.<br/>‘’I’m proud of you bud, your almost all grown up now huh’’ I managed to say only letting about one or two tears out.

Dylan looked up and seen it, thought for a minute then said ‘’Yeah, ahhhh I love you Dan’’ and rapped his big tree stump arms around me. I grabbed him tight, and for a quick second as gay as it may seem, I didn’t want to ever let go. Eventually the hug ended, I put my arm around him and we walked out of my room, out the door and into my family van.

I invited my best friend Jorge to come to Dylan’s graduation with me. The graduation like any graduation was boring; they gave out all the awards. Then at the end, the principle came up. He invited all the kids up on stage. ‘’We’ve decided this year to come up, with a new award, the school spirit award’’ he said. As soon as he said that everyone in the room new who it was going to. This award is giving to the person who shows the most school spirit and to the person who brightened up everyone’s day for so many years, kids come up and announce who it is’’ he said.

All the kids stepped up to the mike and shouted ‘’Dylan’’. Before the kids were even done pronouncing the ‘’an’’ in Dylan’s name he was half way up the stairs, going full speed. He came on stage with a huge smile hugging everyone. The teachers them selves began to get a little choked up. As for me. I don’t even want to mention it, I was a mess. I was so proud of him, and of course he had to come and give one of his big long emotional speeches. By the end of his little speech that hardly made any sense, you could see the emotion in the crowd. Something like I never seen before.

After the ceremony everyone’s parents were going up to him congratulating him hugging him, and I realized Dylan being so friendly and loving allowed everyone to love him. Other people’s moms were hugging him saying good bye. It was truly something else. The ride home was silent, other then Dylan rambling on about his award, and I could see how proud he was of it. I loved to be the one to cheer him on for once. Because all my life he came to all my hockey games and all my soccer games, not because he had to but because he wanted to be there, he always managed to support me, when no one else did.

I guess you can say that day really changed me back around, I started to realize the important things in life again. The school year ended summer past and school was approaching fast. My last year, my grade 12 year, and to top things off my brother, was going to be a part of it. The first day of school, I was woken up at about 5 in the morning, Dylan busted open my door and said ‘’Time for school Dan’’ and just like his graduation he was fully dressed Ascension uniform, perfect. His golf shirt tucked in pants pulled up to about his belly button dress shoes on, ready to leave for school. Their was one problem though it was two and a half hours to early. I told him to go back to bed, but he wouldn’t, so I told him to climb in bed with me. He didn’t even hesitate, I should of known for the rest of the morning their would be no sleep for me, he just kept talking and rambling on about how excited he was for school. But now that I think about it I don’t believe I would have had that morning go any other way.

I guess when we got to school I was a little surprised that he had to go to the P.I.P room. I guess I never really thought about the fact that he wouldn’t be going to different classes like me. That worried me a bit, but he was just as excited. The next day at school he seen everyone with their schedules, he came running up to me asking me where he could get his schedule. I tried to explain that he doesn’t get one, but he didn’t understand. He wouldn’t give up he wanted his schedule, and it broke my heart that he didn’t get one, I just didn’t know how to explain to him that he was different, that he will never get a schedule like everyone else. I even went as far to take him into guidance and ask the guidance lady in front of him. She laughed and explained he doesn’t get one, I guess he sort of got the point, but for once it seemed to faze him.

That night again he brought it up, but this time at the dinner table in front of everyone, my parents tried to explain, but he still couldn’t understand. All night I thought about it. I couldn’t understand why something so small was bothering me so much. So I decided to type up a fake schedule for him, just to satisfy him, and to make him feel like everyone else. The next morning took him to guidance and pretended to pick it up. He didn’t care or notice that all four classes were the same, with the same teacher and the same room. He went around school all day showing everyone his schedule. I felt so happy, some kind of happiness that no money or girl or popularity could give me. I loved giving back to the person who had given me so much through the years.

I was in my bed, about two nights later when my door creeped open, it was him. I knew he came with a purpose but I didn’t know what. ‘’Ah Dan, why am I different ‘’ he said.
As soon as the words came out of his mouth it broke my heart. Ever since that day in grade 4 when my parents broke the news to me, I always wondered when he would realize he was different, when he would wonder why he was in a different class then everyone else, why didn’t girls call him for him like they called for me, why couldn’t he play sports like everyone else could? I knew exactly what he was talking about but I wanted to change the subject. ‘’What do you mean… you’re not man’’ I finally said.

‘’So why can’t I be in classes like you’’ he said.

I didn’t have an answer for him, I really didn’t know why? The question I constantly asked my self through out my short life. Why? Its not fair I would always say. As I started to become angry with God again I remembered what my dad told me, I remembered all the special times I had with my brother, I thought about all the people that loved him because of how he was. I grabbed him tighter then I ever grabbed him, and said’’ You listen to me, its ok to be different, you’re one of a kind man, I wouldn’t trade you for anything or any body in the world, and there’s a lot of people who love you, you’re a special guy man, and I love you and I’m so glad you’re my brother’’.

He looked up at me and said ‘’I love you to Dan’’. Just like the times before I never wanted to let go of him. That day I realized something, I shouldn’t be angry with God for making him with his disability. I should be thankful for bringing him into my life, and showing me love like no one else could. I guess in some ways his disability allows him to love like no one else can, he doesn’t judge people, or seek revenge or stereo type, he doesn’t fight or wish bad things on people. He doesn’t even dislike anyone; he loves everyone and shares his love with everyone, and he is just happy to be living. That is something that no one else could teach me. I guess you could say that day I realized the true meaning of love, not between boy and girl just love in general, the type of love God put us on this earth for, and god put my brother Dylan on this earth to show everyone how love and life really should be.

I’m sorry this story didn’t have any action in it, didn’t involve guns drugs or fighting. I just had to write about my brother and how much I love that special guy.