Web

Welcome to Iowa, where pigs talk, angels use the front door, and you can get away with murder.

That’s the tag line for our show 🙂  It’s very good.  It’s a good show.  After all the chaos of rehearsing at Brendan’s house, pulling the show together without ever having a dress or tech rehearsal…performing in a space even smaller than Brendan’s living room…with extremely poor lighting…it’s still good.  Because the script and the acting are good.  We got a great revue in the student paper.  And after Thursday night’s show, everyone was so head-over-heels for it, for us, it was amazing.  Joe told me that it was the best work he’d ever seen me do and he was going to come back and see it again.  Alicia said we’d taken her through every possible emotion during the show.  The freshmen who came, including Brody, were duly impressed.  I was very, very happy.

Last night’s show wasn’t quite as brilliant, but it was the second night, second night is never as good as opening night.  But the audience loved it anyway.  And tonight we close.  I’m called for our last show in an hour an a half.  We’re in a new space tonight, a space I’ve never even seen.  Exciting.  At this point, we can do anything.  I’ve been losing my voice for the last several days, I’m fighting a cough, feeling pretty wretched and not making great sounds when I speak, but apparently it’s all OK anyway…  I spent most of today at Tenor rehearsal, which was a lot of fun, although just a bit nervewracking because of who I’m working with.  I’m not angry at Robbie anymore, I think probably the message never really got through to him that I needed to be at Web rehearsal on Tuesday.  He’s coming to the show tonight — he said he was planning on coming an hour early to be sure of getting a seat.  I told him he didn’t need to be that early, but it made me happy that he was prepared to be.

Robbie’s back in my life.  I like it.

When we were warming up this morning, we’d dropped down our spines and were in squats, and he came by and ran his hands down my back to my lower back to help me breathe into it.  And I thought, OK, I’m not mad at you anymore, we’re done with that.  It’s funny, I mean, it’s not like he’s never touched me before.  But that touch, the lower back breath…it’s very intimate.  You know what’s awkward?  Brody turns out to be his Little.  And he’s teching our show, possibly PAing for it too.  Hmmm.

I don’t think I ever mentioned in here, because I haven’t had time…last weekend, I left Geoff a note on the facebook for his birthday, and he sent me a message back.  I’ll post it here, it speaks for itself:

thanks for writing a message on my wall! it was nice to hear from you. i know i never got back to you after you wrote that note. i’m such an asshole i’m sorry. it was such a busy summer and it flew by so fast and now here i am getting ready to go on tour for three months, and i wanted to make sure i explained myself to you, sorry it’s so informal. i think you’re a wonderful girl who’s going to do wonderful things and the guy who gets you is going to be a very lucky man. the last two years were very rough for me. i was scraped to a very narrow frame of a person, esteem and confidence wise that i lost interest in everything really. i guess you could say i was a little depressed, and so i gave up dating cause i thought no one would be interested in me, so when you started showing little signals, i just shrugged them off cause (it’s hard to explain) i guess i just didn’t feel i could really give myself to someone in the condition i was in. i needed to settle down and regain my confidence in myself, and i’m doing a lot better now, but man you don’t date for a few years cause you’re down on yourself, and everybody thinks you’re gay! (i think it’s funny) i hope that helps you understand better what happened. it was nothing you did, and i think you’re really great actually, and your courage to just come out and write a letter was really admirable, i would never have the couracge to be so honest about my feelings. i wish you the best, stephanie, i really do. i hope that we can stay friends while you’re at syracuse. i’ll talk to you soon, and thanks for the note again!

Here’s what I wrote back:

🙂 Thanks so much for your message. It really means a lot to hear from you and get things cleared up. I was just so confused last year about what was going on, but what you said makes perfect sense and honestly I understand completely. I know what depression is all about. It would have been OK for you to have told me at the time — maybe I could have been more there for you as a friend. Oh well. But of course we can stay friends while I’m still at Syracuse, or even after, if we dare be so bold 🙂 And I’m so glad to hear that you’re doing better now. What are you going on tour with?? That’s so exciting! I’m really happy to hear that you’re working, although not surprised. I’m doing Charlotte’s Web at the moment, which opens next week (eep!); it’s going really well and I think it’s going to be a beautiful and very unique show. And as soon as that closes I start with Lend Me a Tenor in the Black Box — if you’re going to be in the vicinity of Syracuse around Nov 4-12, come see it, Robbie’s directing it so it’s bound to be excellent. Anyway, thanks so much for the note. I could say something cliche like it made my day, but that sort of doesn’t cover it. I hope that life treats you beautifully from here on out, and I hope to hear from you soon 🙂 Stephanie

And so life goes on.

Closing night…I can hardly believe it.  I love this show so much, it has meant so much to me…I don’t understand how it can be over.  Well, I’m going to start getting ready, so I can give my all tonight.  One more time through.  Let’s make it radiate.

–Stephanie