Not too bad

Generals weren’t awful, meaning I got the callback I wanted and one I hadn’t thought about…Perdita in Winter’s Tale and Nellie in Summer and Smoke, respectively.  Our Town auditions are tomorrow (Danny’s coming into town tonight, yay!).  I feel very unprepared for them, but hopefully I’ll have time to prepare for the callbacks I have properly.  I’m very excited to be called for Perdita…it feels like the fulfillment of something I started four years ago, at Interlochen, so sure that this was the role for me.  This time I’m far from certain.  He’s called six of us for her, fewer than he’s called for any other roles, so my chances aren’t bad.  It’s also very interesting to look at who he’s called…especially in light of who he called for Leontes.  Perdita is Leontes’ daughter, so that has to be believable, and he called Terrence for Leontes, and Terrence is black.  And half the girls called for Perdita are black.  Which means that my actual competition is only two other girls — if Malcolm is casting one of the other three, I was never in the running anyway, because he’s decided to cast Terrence.  Leontes is a far bigger part, so the casting of Perdita will probably hinge on that, not vice versa.  Anyway.  That’s the story there.  Plus there are only two seniors called, and the other one is one of the black girls, so if he doesn’t cast Terrence I’m the only senior he’ll be looking at, and he has said that he will cast seniors who haven’t been on the mainstage before over other students.  So.  We’ll see.

I had a not-insignificant fight with my mother last night.  She feels that she doesn’t know who I am anymore.  I’m regretting ever having told her about my new spiritual path.  Yesterday was a generally rotten day.  I’ve been trying for ages to make an important LifeCycle annoucement and they don’t call on me in time.  And Adam called me by my hated nickname, and I actually snapped at him for it (I apologized today, and while he said that I had not snapped at him, he also knew what I was referring to, which people often don’t when I apologize for snapping; he said that he had no idea I didn’t like to be called that).  And speaking of Adam, I was right (as usual) in my instinct for which girl it is that he wants, and (as usual) it isn’t me.  Her name is KK, at least that’s what she goes by, and I’ve kind of become her surrogate Big.  We had lunch yesterday and had a long talk, which I skillfully manipulated to the subject of Adam, and I think I managed to get through the whole conversation without giving myself away, although I’m not at all sure of that.  She didn’t say anything about it, which is a fairly good sign, but who really knows.  Ah well.  So it goes.

Samhain was good.  It wasn’t earth-shatteringly amazing, but it was good, I was glad I went and glad to be part of it.  And it was my first ritual, and that’s out of the way now, so that’s good too, I guess.  There’s a big thing happening tomorrow night, burning of the May-pole, but I can’t go due to casting stuff.  I could probably go, but the thing (event? ritual? celebration?) goes really late — often until dawn, they told me — and I have at least two callbacks the next day.  So I think I’d better just stay in.  Which is a shame, I’d really love to go…but I wasn’t there to weave the May-pole, I don’t have any energy invested in it, so I’d be a guest there at best this time anyway.  I’ll just wait until this Beltaine, when I can be involved in the weavng…and leave it to next year’s group to fulfill that beginning next Samhain.

I hope Danny has some time to spend with me this weekend.  That would be very, very nice.

–Stephanie