Almost there, almost there

I did the first half of Sophomore Evals last night.  Well, the first two thirds, I guess.  We all thought the dance section would be a joke, but it wasn’t at all and I seriously might fail it.  I just have no idea what they were looking for, really.  David was a fiend and murdered us all at the barre, especially since there wasn’t room to move, which makes it rather hard to show off one’s excellent dancing, or something like that at any rate.

The singing portion was better.  I really might pass that.  I also might not, but I really might.  It wasn’t the best I’ve done, I was disappointed in myself and I wish I could go back and try again, but it’s Sophomore Evals, it’s a one-shot deal.  Unless you fail, then you retake the course and get to try again.  I’d rather just do it the once, to be honest.

We all met tonight to run our scenes for each other.  Adam and I didn’t do too badly…if we can get our voices under ourselves, and our breath, we’ll pass no problem.  It’s just a question of being on voice here.  The rest we’ve got.  As Craig always says…the work is done, whatever happens is right.  That’s tomorrow morning.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

How am I doing Evals now anyway?  Surely I just finished high school.  Where did the last two years go? I’m halfway through college…that’s ridiculous.  If I pass these tomorrow, I am a fully-fledged upperclassman.  If I fail, I’m still an upperclassman, but not the same way…I won’t be able to take upper level acting classes.  But I can deal with that if it happens, cross that bridge when I come to it.  Who knows.  I might even pass.

I really might pass.  You never know.

In Lisa’s class today we spent the first half talking about Evals and why they’re not so bad and how to make them be not so bad, and the second half sitting in a circle going around telling everyone how they’ve improved over the semester.  People told me that I am really starting to own my space, and starting to stop being so small, to make jokes, to be comfortable, to be myself.  It was good to hear.  I know it’s true, but it was good to hear that other people are noticing it.  Raina also commented on my not liking to be called Steph Mitchell, and people were surprised to hear that, I was glad she said it because it’s just that many more people I don’t have to say it to myself.  Raina said, “You’re not just this little person who’s four feet tall anymore, you’re so much bigger than that.”  And I said, “Yes, I’m five feet tall,” and everyone laughed, and Raina said “See?  Like that!”  And I felt great.

I’ve suddenly started to become very close to Alex L—-.  Up until earlier this week I didn’t even like the guy.  And now suddenly we’re close.  I don’t know how that happened, but it’s kinda nice.  We spent a long time last week talking about our work and the department and such…and last night, after Evals Pt I, he and Aaron and I went to Kimmel for ice cream and he drove me home afterward, and somehow we started talking about relationships and I asked him for advice on Robbie…I don’t know what possessed me to tell him about Robbie, I guess I was just in a really open place last night, I told Aaron about my OCD and I told Alex about Robbie…and we talked for over an hour about him and what I should do.  He thinks it has real potential…in fact he thinks it’s so obvious that he’s surprised he didn’t think of it before.  He says my current plan is a very good one — I’ll give Robbie one of my train letters at the end of the year and find some slightly hinting way to say that I’d like to stay in touch over the summer, and Robbie’s the sort of guy who will reply.  And then we send each other letters, hopefully real letters in the mail all summer, and we start from a good place next year.  It was good advice.  It was a good conversation.  It was with Alex.  It was weird.  It was wonderful.

After our preval tonight, as we’ve been calling it, I went into the lobby to wait for Parker (we were going to watch the first act of the dress rehearsal of My Fair Lady but he wanted to work a little longer with Anna first), and I saw the R——– twins sitting there and I said hi in passing and asked Robbie how he was feeling (he’s been sick).  And we started talking, and I pulled up a chair and talked to them.  And Erin M came by later and the four of us talked.  Robbie saw the Sweeney Todd that I saw this summer, and we were able to talk about that…we were able to talk in general very easily.  It was also fascinating to watch his and Paul’s interaction when they’re not in ballet.  I’ve picked the right twin this time, I’m almost positive now.  It was funny, they were all trading the ways they’re connected to various celebrities, and of course I live in LA and I’m connected way more closely to way more people than they are, so I just dropped in that I went to school with Meredith Baxter’s kids.  Normally people don’t have any idea who that is.  But they both laughed and said at once, “Meredith Baxter-Birney!”  And I said yes, I grew up with her kids, twins actually, Molly and Peter.  They both thought that was funny.  I enjoyed making them laugh for a change.  And then the dress rehearsal got out for intermission, Parker had still not appeared, and I decided to try to catch a ride with them when they left (they were already driving Erin home).  So I got a ride home with them, I sat in the back with Robbie while Paul drove.  It was probably a full half-hour in all at least.  When we got to BB I told him I was glad he was feeling better and I put my hand on his arm, I was proud of myself for that.  Come to think of it, I was pretty darn proud of myself for joining them at the table.  And I took a picture of them and Erin!  I was so proud!  Hahaha!  I have a picture of the twins!  Yay!

So she and I got out of the car, and we walked away calmly, she knows about my thing for Robbie and as we’re going, she says, “I adore those two,” and I said, “As soon as we are out of sight, I will do a victory dance.  You will be priviledged to see my victory dance.  Are we out of sight?”  “Yes,” she said, “go!”  And I jumped around and spun in circles for a few moments and she laughed and I was very happy.

Not a bad night at all, I’d say 😀

Erin says that with Robbie, you just need to break the ice.  I think the ice is probably broken now.

I need advice though please.  Alex says that, to make it clear that I feel specially about Robbie, I need to not write a train letter to Paul.  I like Paul too and I would love to let him know that, but it is important that Robbie know he’s special.  Hmm.  How about if I write a short and simple one to Paul and a more in-depth one to Robbie?  Or should I just not write to Paul at all?  I probably shouldn’t write to Paul at all.  I can send him regards in Robbie’s letter.  That’s probably best.

So tomorrow I finish Evals.  Thursday my show resumes, Friday my parents come, Saturday my sh

ow closes.  Joshua is here, by the way, he flew in today!  I was so happy to see him!  It looks like Lisa, my big, won’t be able to come up to see my show after all, which is sad, but oh well.  If I can start talking more regularly to Robbie, I don’t really care.

I finished classes, today was the last day of classes and it’s over.  Wow.  This year, this crazy, crazy year…I don’t even know what to do with it, not in retrospect any more than I knew what to do with it in the moment.  Well, classes may be over, but the year goes on for a while yet…not that many more days, but so many more things to do…I have a ridiculous number of train letters to write, I’ve only done Parker’s so far.  I should get on that.

–Stephanie

PS I talked to him I talked to him I talked to him I talked to him!!!!!!!!!  And it wasn’t weird!  I was nervous but it wasn’t weird and the conversation just flowed and it was fine!  Yay!!