NCOD

This is a  double post.  Not everyone has made the leap to prosebox so I figured I would do a few on both sites when possible and appropriate.

So apparently today is NCOD. National Coming Out Day.

Interesting. I had never heard of it before.

Well… I’m not coming out. I did that a long time ago. Here’s my story.

I was dating a guy at the time. Secretly. Ever so secretly.
It was eating me up inside and I was in a constant state of stress, scared someone would find out. Scared I hadn’t covered my tracks well enough. Scared my world would fall apart.

Over the years I listened to my father say things that were harshly negative about homosexuals. It registered permanently in my brain. My mother I knew would be ok.

I planned to tell them, but first I wanted to be financially independent. When I finally got to that stage, I had lost a lot of weight. I had stopped eating due to the stress and due to living a hidden life.

One night I just couldn’t bear it anymore. I asked my mother into my room. I told her I was in a relationship, but it wasn’t with a woman it was with a man. She was shocked. I can still remember the look in her face. Total surprise. She took it in and said she would need to talk to my father.

She came back in tears and told me my father would need time. She said it would be difficult but we would work something out. So that night I just lay in bed – awake all night – and semi relieved to still be at home. A million thoughts going through my mind. Also thinking… if it turned bad I could escape through the window. I had packed my bag – it was in my car. I was fully dressed in bed.

The next day my father came to me. He said "I don’t understand but at the end of the day you are my son and I will support you always." It was a total shock. He has lived to those words ever since.

Over the passing weeks I realised it was my mother who had the most difficulty. She couldn’t understand how she didn’t know. I had so many girls that liked me. I don’t act camp at all, but not all gay men do. She broke the news to my younger brother and he never really spoke to me for a while. In due course though things turned positive.

My mother became a fierce supporter and should anyone say a disrespectful word about anyone gay she would slaughter them. My brother came round when he met my partner and I guess fell in love with him. He absolutely adores my partner. They are good mates.

Coming out to friends (some I came out to before my parents) was a bit of a non event. It was almost like… so what… I’ve got a pet dog isn’t that more interesting. It also surprised me. I was prepared to lose all my friends. In fact I lost none.

Coming out at work was sort of similar. I encountered some that became a bit colder to me because of it. The majority however embraced me.

That said. I don’t run about in a pink skirt waving a rainbow flag. I’m very private. If someone asks me directly I will answer honestly. I will not offer the information to them on a plate. Also, if I don’t want you to know, I am the master at avoiding questions. I won’t lie but I will cleverly avoid the topic.

Anyhoo – all in all I have basically only had a positive experience.

Do I have any regrets? Hell yes, I wish I had done it when I was a teenager, it would have saved me from so much pain. I guess, though, that it’s all character building and timing. I am a better person for having experienced what I have.