hope

my last post was amazingly angsty. i really out-did myself on the melodrama. it was a rough night… but it was only one night. im better now.

but this bring me to another, much more important question: when the shit hits the fan, what do we do to cope, and why?

(if you’re sensitive to these things, then read at your own risk)

some people drink, they try to drown their problems untill they cant remember how to puke INTO the toilette. it’s ok if you want to legally drink socially. but if your sole purpose for drinking is to get shit-faced so you dont hurt anymore, you need help.

some people smoke. they try to cover the pain in tar and rat poison. it doesnt work. trust me, i’ve lived with the result of smoking for 17 years. he cant function right without smoke. he coughs for 3-4 minutes at a stretch. he’s tried to stop, but he’d get so pissed that he’d start swinging. it took me 3 years of weight lifting to get to where i had a chance of swinging back.

some people do drugs. they are so weak they have to smoke themselves stupid so all the things they used to cry about are funny. aside from doctor prescribed medication, Ibprofin, and pepto, nobody needs drugs to make things stop hurting. the only way is to face up to said problem, and beat the ever loving shit out of it.

some people cut. these people are so depressed they cant stand it anymore. the emotional pain is so devistating that they need to find a physical outlet. this one strikes me pretty damn close. for those of you who know me, you know why. if not, i prolly dont want you to know.

but the question becomes: what is it that causes so much pain? is it a death, near death, or other emotional uber-trauma? is it a bad break up? bad family situation? maybe it’s a chemical imbalance that has no external cause. i dont know. but what i do know is that there is always another way. maybe im just stubbourn, but i’ve always believed that there’s only one way to solve a problem. that way is to fix it. we cant try to just make the pain go away. we have to find WHY it hurts so bad, and fix it.

im issuing a task for everyone who reads this. if you have a problem, leave a note. no names, no signed notes. if you read this and dont feel you have a problem, than look through some random diaries around here, and see how bad some people get.

people are hurting. alot of people. it’s only human to want to stop pain, but it’s saintly to want to stop the pain of others.

till things are brighter, im the man in black. nick.