The Moment of Truth *Edited*

Well, as promised, I have returned. Like a returning thing. That comes back. Yes.

That is because I am an oddity that does strange things like that- aren’t I special. The answer is no.

Anyhow, here are the answers to the questions I was asked:

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As asked by my darling Lianne:

If you could change anything in your past what would it be?

I assume that my expected answer would be that I wished I had never met Ali, or something along those lines, but in a perverse (not kinky, however…) way, she made me the person I am now. And as many problems as I have with myself, and although I may have been happier otherwise, this is me, and you have to live with what you’ve got. A lot of people are worse off than myself so I don’t have as much right to complain… doesn’t mean I don’t however… Anyway, tangents aside, it would probably be that I wishedI been able to knuckle down a little bit better in my later schooling and actually allowed myself to enjoy it- I got so hung up on hating it that I lost my passion for learning and therefore hated uni. And therefore not incurred a ‘wasted’ £12,000 student loan…

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For my second ever favourite CountingDownTheDays:

What have you done that your most ashamed of?/ proud of?

I start off with the proud I think. Those of you that have known me forever- namely Lianne and Carolyn- will remember the low patch I was suffering at uni, and will likewise remember that my pain in the arse father had a heart attack during it (he’s fine now, fact-fans). My family was sickeningly close to poverty anyway, and dad being ill didn’t help. As I couldn’t sit idly by and watch my family sink into the mire and put aside my own troubles and sent home as much money as I could afford each week, and as suc saved my family. My mum still doesn’t know that I did it, and it brought me and dad closer together. Just in case you were all wondering, mum doesn’t know because me and father decided it was best if she didn’t get all moany and guilty at me shirking my degree studies for the good of the family. My parents are still together, it isn’t an inter family bitch fest!

The ashamed thing- now that’s a toughy. The thing is, I’m not easily ashamed- one of my many character faults. I do things because I have my own set reasons and morals, and I shouldn’t be ashamed if I think I’ve done something justified. I’ve been disappointed with myself before now, but that’s a whole different board game. I suppose the closest thing I’ve felt to being truly ashamed is when I saw my nanny the day before she died and was afraid. She looked so scared and skeletal, so different to the lively, happy lady I’d known. So frail. So already dead. I only just managed to hug her. I still felt the overwhelming love for her (I always adored my nan), but I was also scared. I felt the same about my Grandad who had a stroke and could hardly talk- it used to scare me. I think it’s where I got my long standing fear of mortality from. But there you go!

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Kate, one of my newest and most beloved victims devotees, has sent me a positive glut of questions, which I will answer. By typing the answers. With my fingers. Yes I will.

The name of the person you’d least like to get stuck in a lift with: __________.

The mention of Ali had to happen at some point didn’t it? Yes, of all the people, in all the world, the pointless whore that broke my heart and spat on the  pieces would be the quintessential hell-spawn to be locked in with. Mainly because I’d be coated in her blood. And not just because she might be having a heavy period.

What scares you (aside bees)?

Does that mean what would scare me if it was alongside bees? More bees I assume (it’s Lianne that is scared of them dear…). I’m scared of flying amd goats. And death- death is a terrifying prospect as far as I’m concerned. I’ve actually not slept for days o

n end, terrified to the point of shivering about the idea of death. Cheery fellow aren’t I?

If you could have any one thing in the world handed to you, what would you ask for?

I would ask for absolutely masses of money, but in secret. I loathe having to work for pittence while some lazy sod in an office gets all the money you’re earning for them. I’d like to have enough to make sure I could help everyone I know to live a comfortable and happy life, I’d like to be able to afford to go and see my friends, I want my family to be comfortable as they’ve worked so damn hard for so many years… basically I want to help, and sadly it seems that you can only be supportive if you can afford to be these days!

Do you own any pink socks?

As I have just said to you on MSN, no, I only own black ones- they are the only ones I have that have not fallen to bits now! Poverty isn’t as much fun as you’d think!

Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all?

  Again, this takes us back to mentioning the hell bitch. I’ve struggled with this question for a long time before, chewing it over as I lie in bed reflecting. I can’t really decide on a definitive answer however. When things were good between me and Ali I was amazingly, inhumanly happy. the world was a gorgeous place, the sun always seemed to shine and for once things seemed to be going my way. I fell properly in love for the first time, I’ve never been happier, except maybe in fleeting moments. But when she left me… I’ve never fely so low and my sunny, optimistic side collapsed. I’m very cynical these days, very quiet by comparison. I was suicidal, I doubted if I even liked women at all,. I became a bitte introvert. I drank too much, I fell asleep crying, to wake up doing the same. I was basically a mess. The loss, to me, has actually over shadowed the love in the relationship, and all I can now remember is being destroyed by her. But I know I was really happy once, and if I ever find that again… I really can’t decide. The old romantic in me, what’s left of him, still yearns to say the former, to believe that love is such a reward that to know it at all is all one needs. But the latter calls to the bitter side of me, which is slowly sinking away. I’m at an equilibrium at the minute and so I really can’t decide. Maybe I’ll never know- that’s the way life goes I suppose!

 

 

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The next batch of filth to spew from my hatch today are answers to question asked by young Lindsey, an American type (poor girl…).

You get to spend one day each as a bird, an insect, and a mammal. What bird would you be? What insect? What mammal?

As a bird I would like to be a barn owl. Not just because they look beautiful and ghostly, are a bit rare and incredibly majestic, but also because they have talons and could rip the eyes out of a dinosaur should they so wish. Insect wise I’d be a preying mantis because they look nifty and I hate insects so I’ll quickly move on… Mammal- I’d have to be a horse as they are just such gorgeous beasties.<

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What is your best quality?

Ummmm- questions involving me finding good points about myself are bar-stewards to answer. I would like to think I am quite generous and caring… NEXT!!!

 

 

 What is the quality you look for in women?

A pulse? No, I like nice eyes physically, and personality-wise… they have to be bright and able to hold me in conversation, and allow me my freedom to do my random things, like collect eighties toys and try sleeping on a mountainside when I’m bored. I do both you see.

What is one thing that you will not back down on?

I will not back down on paying for things when I have a guest or am on a date. It’s just not the done thing. I know I may be about as well off as a church mouse that has hit on hard times, but I like to be gentlemanly. Too many people are to bothered about themselves and their wallets I like to spread what money I have around for all to enjoy.

If you had to listen to one song over and over again for the rest of your life what would it be?

Either Too Late by No Doubt (Track 9 on the Return of Saturn album)  or No Leaf Clover by Metallica (Track 8 on the S & M album). Because I like them. That is all…

What is your biggest turn on?

Ummm… I can’t really remember- it’s been far too long! Ummm… I actually am genuinely struggling! I used to like back clawing but I don’t know. Having my back clwed then, that’ll do. NEXT!

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And now, for the fianl act of this little shindig, I have a rather oblique question from the lovely Canadian lady known as Elaine.

What is an independent thought that you are having after reading this question?

You had to be a pain in the arse didn’t you dear…. lucky I like you or i’d… umm… probably have answered anyway, but been slightly irked for 0.7 seconds, rounding up. Anyway, I’m thinking about dinner. This is because I haven’t eaten yet today.

FIN

 

 

This is a picture of my ugly mug. Kate requested a moody looking photo (to go with the others…) so here it is:

ADDENDUM

A certain Homicidal Llama has asked a further question of me, hers turning up fashionably late in a way most fitting of her uber-swish lifestyle…

Boxers or briefs?

Well, what with me being a liberated, all singing- all dancing member of the world of man, I often enjoy the wearing of boxers. I do, however, also enjoy the close and supportive company of boxer-briefs, offering support wear it matters most. I also occasionally go commando, but this is admitedly only when I have entirely failed to do my laundry…

FIN (again…)