Saturday: The Day of Blissful Nothingness.

Today I got out of bed at 1pm. Not because I’m lazy mind you. No no no no no. Not me. Not at all. I was held hostage there by ummmm… by…. my goldfish, yeah that’s it. They looked at me maliciously and I was forced to read a book. That’s why I did it.

Except it wasn’t. It’s because I’m a lazy, dirty little man with no more right to live on God’s clean earth than a weasel. But that’s My Perogative (Brittney Spears title there for Lianne. She’s old Brit’s biggest fan you know. She has posters and everything. And limited edition Brittney Spears pants. *Runs and hides*). So, I can some up my actions for the day in the following list:

1) Got up at 1pm

2) ummmm…..

3) That’s it.

I am going out this evening though, for a slap up binge in the Greek Taverna. All for free. I intend to get very drunk, very full and very stupid. I’ve already achieved the last one, so I’m just waiting for the other two to fall into place and I will be a happy man. I might eat dolmades. I know they may look like dead mice fried in glue, but if they taste the same I’m all for them (ed. You are an idiot). WHO IS THAT ED. BLOKE????

Following this I intend to lead the Macedonians into victory and the ownership of all of Europe, Asia Minor and North Africa. And then I’ll play on my laptop (fnar-fnar! NERD JOKE!). I really should get out more. Though having said that, if I was to do such a thing the world would be forced to know more of me- a dangerous thing for all involved! Instead I will stay in my hovel and amuse myself in my own dangerous little ways. And harass my cat CALLED DANTE (hi Lianne….) and not Mr Whiskerson or (as my cock-flavoured housemates keep calling him) Jinxy. That is really beginning to peeve me. I may kill them, just to show them I’m boss. I’m like that. A bit murdery. Except I’m not…

I spoke to my Kate (yes MINE!! ALL MINE!!!!!! I own her due to an ancient gypsy prophesy…) and she was stoned for a change. Doesn’t happen often…. Not at all…. Anyway, was most pleasant to chat with her again and I’m sure she will comment if she eventually gets round to reading this entry. Though she might not. She’s like that.

I want to paint Warhammer but I can’t be arsed and can’t find any of my paintbrushes. I’m rubbish, me! If I get anything good painted I’ll post an example of my painting skills. Not that any of you care, but if this was a dairy I’d show you my cows. As it’s a diary I’ll show you stuff about me. Live with it. Like people live with furniture. Or horses. I’m odd….

Anyway, I’m going to leave you all here now as I need to get ready for food bingeing. Ta ta.

Tom, the Food Queen.