Pimp my OD

Nice to see that in my absence my beloved diary was turned into nothing more than a whore to your depraved conversations oh merry readers. I will not implicate any names in this, but if you do it again Lianne I will be forced to bite you really hard on the left shin. That’s right, I know the source of your power. Your enchanted shin will be mine muh-ha-ha etc….

Anyway, it has been an eventful Christmas full of ups and downs and twiddly bits. Everything came apart then came back together again so all is well! Fatrher bought me some presents I’m not very keen on but one has to show good graces I suppose. As a special treat to my mum this year I entirely forgot her birthday- she was so amused… in a not very amused kind of way admitedly, but I’m sure she was laughing on the inside.

I’m also considering a change of job… I may join the police force as they give you a lot of money, which I’m very keen on. That will of course mean CUTTING MY HAIR!!!!! I will be a failed hippy, but at the same time can have a nicer house with more hippy accoutrements… I’ll be a cross between a hippy and a yuppy. A yippy maybe… possibly a huppy. But yes, I could then get a mortgage and (dun dun duurrrrrrr) GET ON THE PROPERTY LADDER! Ooooh, the lack of excitment.

We are currently talking about decorating the lounge at home. This means Katey-Lou decides and I nod my head seraphically and agree with every word she says. I may have the hair for it, but she is DEFINATELY the Lawrence Llwellyn-Bowen of the relationship. Bloody ginger lady. She is Ronald McDonalds love-child, make no mistake about it! I love her though. In a way.

We are gearing up for an inspection at work next month, so I have a lot to do at the mo! BUSY BUSY!!!! Oh well, at least I’ve got my health… what little is left of it… I’ve given up alcohol until March by the way- I’m ever such a healthy boy. That I’m I’m trying to fight back a rapidly increasing beer gut. I will win this battle gut, mark my words… It’s odd I’m getting a beer gut really as I drink wine. A wine gut doesn’t have the same ring to it really. I think Kate has been spiking my wine with beer- the swine!

Kate and I are having a little trip up to Taunton for her birthday, just to see her family and suchlike- not a big one this year… maybe next year when we a re rich and I’m a policeman we will have a drugs party. Unlikely but there we go. I’ve discovered a fondness for pesto. I liked it anyway, but now I’m fond of it… not sure what the difference is but hey-ho!

Anyway, I’m off to work now so I’d best stop typing, otherwise I’ll have to carry this up a bloody-great hill while trying to form words- not ideal I’m sure you’ll agree!

Anyway, fondest regards to you and your silver haired mothers.

Tom, the foolish one.