Misconception….

I will start this entry by making a very obvious statement. I look absolutely nothing like Wayne from Wayne’s World. Nothing at all. There are unborn buffalo foetus’ covered in goo, jam and cheese that bare a greater similarity to him than me! so there!

I know that everything I say today will be perfectly sensible and should be accepted by all because Freddie Mercury spoke to me from beyond the grave and said ‘That’s okay’ to something I was saying to Lianne earlier. It is true. Ask her! With your mouths! Or fingers if you will…

Anyhoo, yesterdays wanderings round York were most entertaining. Firstly Lianne took me to look at the cathedral and then to see the little known back streets and byways of the ancient city (i.e. she got us lost….). We then went to look at a little castle which gave a nice view of the town and was the site of a jewish massacre. So I started singing:

The grand old jews of York,

They had 10,000 men

They marched them up to the top of the hill

Where they got hideously massacred.

Tasteless but very me. If you are Jewish and reading this I apologise unreservedly and mean no anti-semitic feelings. See, I actually have real human emotion type elements.

Anyway, we then went to the Jorvik Centre and saw lots of old vikingy relicy stuff and a simulation of what the town would have looked like and smelled like (mmmmm, manurey…), and saw some stuff about how they designed everying- very interesting! There was a model of a man in the loo, complete with sound effects and smells- that was… ummm… enjoyable. I giggled andate sherbert lemons with Lianne.

After there we staggered in the general direction of the York Dungeons and laughed at how cheesey it all was. One bit was about vampires, and the actor guy there had to hold back a statue of a vampire with his cross. He shouted:

"Back, you vile, long-haired demon"

Then turned to me and said:

"No, not you sir"

I giggled and Lianne cackled in a true northern mad-woman stylee.

We went shopping afterwards for some food but nipped into HMV first and bought a mass of DVDs and I got a Jack Skellington figure which I’ve been after for years! The one problem being that by the time wew had gotten out of there we forgot most of the food! Heh, such is life!

Anyway, we got back and watched Base-ketball (which is groin-grabbingly funny!) and drank a bottle of Asti! It was Yumtastic, in an Italian stylee! I like the word stylee!

So there we go, a northern England day, how very quaint eh! I int bin out on’t moors wit whippets ‘nt flat cap. Sorry, the local accent is filtering through my alcoholically maintained safe guards! D’oh! Eeeeeeh, ya bastard! Eeek!

Anyhoo, I apologise for the continued absence of Horse Badger, I will try and do it this evening after a whole day of aillyness with the ever-lovely Lianne (who currently has some sort of illness, which she claims is plague caught from the York Dungeons! I however believe it to be my glory slowly pulling apart her fragile form, which would also explain why she was off to bed at 10:30 yesterday! Either that or, the more likely story, she’s sick to the back teeth of me already!).

See you soon peoples!

Tom

XxX