Gelatinous Goo

My hair is currently lightly scented with a delicate kiss of strawerries, with the alluring aroma of summer fruits and berries. What is this amazing new hair treatment I hear you ask? Where can you get it? To which I would reply to you- make some strawberry jelly and mash up a couple of tins of fruit cocktail and throw it around with a group of children in an amusing food-fight extravaganza. On Friday. Then realise your poor hair still reeks of it the next day… Thank god we weren’t having a poo fight or similar!

That aside, work is pretty much same old same old. As am I. I’m mostly the same though I am a little old on Tuesdays. I got a pay rise this month- 20p an hour. I’m going to add another acre to the grounds and extend the servants quarters. Sadly this extra funding will not make up for the tragic bereavment I have suffered during this week. My household has suffered a death. My beloved New Rock boots are no more. The sole on the left one has snapped through and the cobbler says he can’t fix it. Bloody cobbler- who does he think he is… Never mind, I should be able to afford some more by 2014. *Sound of sobbing*

On the bright side I caught crabs on Wednesday. We went down the pier with a mackerel and I caught the biggest crab in the world. I was going to saddle it up and ride it into town. Then I decided it was a bad idea as it was too little really and my grasp of exaggeration isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I must learn that exaggeration is a bad thing. I’ve told myself that 14,000,000,000,000,000 times.

I’m off playing Dungeons and Dragons this evening just to cement my position as an embarassingly nerdy young fellow who fails at life. I play a dwarven cleric. I’m a hardcore mo-fo from the west side of the dwarvish hood. Last game I killed three men for looking at me from an alley way, then broke into their house and climbed on the roof because I was lost and wanted to see where I was heading. I could have asked the three men for directions but I really like killing people in my mind.

That line sounded far too psychopathic, even for me.

Well, screw you guys, I’m going home.