So In Love With The Way We Are

I’m really disappointed with the outcome of this.

Love is dead. I wasn’t even asking for much. The biggest things I asked for were too much. I know it all comes down to looks and if you say that’s me being shallow, you’re just telling yourself that to make yourself feel better about yourself.

I don’t think I’m ugly. I’m thin, I hide behind my hair like a little emo child without the cuts and girl jeans. I like to dance like a dork in my living room. I enjoy the smaller things in life. The things people overlook and forget about. Love is so much more than sex. Think back to the first time you had a crush. Don’t you remember? Where did it all go?

Where’s my compatible match?

Oh and if you’re name is Hailey and you’re a hot blonde please click the “X” because you replied to all of my dumb posts but didn’t like the way I looked.

I see so many ugly guys who make me look like a ten. Then again they’re white and I’m not and I’m told it is because this is Arkansas. I’m just a kid trying to find my place and someone to love.

I don’t have any tattoos or a shaved head or pants past my butt. I don’t dress ugly or dirty but there are days when I clean up around the house and just let myself go. I typically end up dancing like a dork more than cleaning. Sometimes you just have to dance and I like the way my hair moves when I dance. I know, retarded right? Just let go. Fuck what people thing and enjoy life, even if it is just for a while.

I just…

I wish I wasn’t so lonely. Trying to make friends is hard enough when you’re not white. People take one look and think something bad. If they think I’m cute and want to run their hands through my hair well say so.

I hate eye contact. Some people like it but I’ve only done it with a girl I loved. I also have the habit of walking away as I’m talking and was told that’s disrespectful. We live in a world were we can break up through sticky notes and text messages. Does it even matter? Maybe I have to go to the bathroom or am on a time sensitive lunch break?

Blah. I could say a lot but would it matter? Would it somehow remind you what it was like to be in love?

When will I get my chance? Do I really have to lower my standards and end up like everyone else? Stuck with someone you’re not even attracted to but stay because you’re afraid of being alone? Maybe you’re their last resort like that one chick that always messages me? You would think that after all of the catchy titles and fluctuating age and constant city change you would get a hint. I’m all over the place thanks to my job. Even that doesn’t help. No one stops to talk.

I just know that I’ve learned from my oh so few mistakes.

Can you believe in me? Can I be that guy that crosses your kind? Will you take my pillow because it smells like my cologne when I have to go away for work?

Will you hold ky hand in public and kiss me?

Will you stay the night and have a sleep over that doesn’t end up in sex? Can we be best friends and still be boyfriend and girlfriend? Would you like to go to Sonic and get some midnight Java chiller drinks?

Do you like dance music? Do you like The Office and Arrested Development? Do you play video games?

Do you ever look at someone ugly or obese or whatever and think how the hell did they score? Am I doing something wrong or do I need to be like everyone else and drink, party, and have sex. No love. No commitment. Nothing. Just make her moan and curl her toes.

Where’s my babe?

And what about back hugs? The kind where they walk up behind you and hug you. Maybe you’re having a bad day. Those are the best because you can catch them by surprise and hug them, press your cheek into them and listen…you can hear their heart beating. Was that small dramatic pause gay? It’s true! Don’t believe me!? Try it out.

Come on, you’re reading a post by a kid who knows a hell of a lot about love, likes, and random facts. That’s just one of the small things people overlook or never even realize.

I’m not asking for much. I know we all like different things but if you’re cute, thin, and like my style and same kind of music… Oh yeah!! The list goes on so I’ll shit up.

I think I am average. I know that when I actually have time to fix myself hot girls smile at me and my feet go the other day. I’m really shy unless I’m in a bad mood and then I’m all like that little Volus from Mass Effect going, “I own you” as if I was a big shot when I’m just a tiny Volua who lost his chit. I’m a nerd. Not an ugly one. I don’t wear those dumb black t-shirts that are over priced and fade after one wash. I did put an N7 patch on my jacket from Banana Republic. I got a lot of compliments too. I call it nerd sheek. Did I spell that right?

The dumb storms woke me up!! I was asleep! Then I heard thunder and a lot of win and now ky brain is trying to shut down.

This is perfect cuddling weather. That or dork dancing to “The Veldt” by Dead Mouse. The radio edit version.

I wish I had her…

Not the band but a girl. You know what I mean. You randomly talk to yourself, yell at the sky like a mad man laughing at the rain.

I remember when I had a girlfriend. I bought her a lot of stuff and then got yelled at for buying myself a video game. Those were good times.

Am I going to end up like everyone else? Will I let myself go and end up fat and alone and 35 without any love? Is that my fait?

I’ve heard horror stories from older friends or people I consider to be a friend. They didn’t find love until they were 35 and up or after a seven year period of random dates. No!!! I don’t want to end up like that! Hurry up and find me!

I want to take cute couple photos while I’m still young and look younger than my age. Not when I’m all old and out of shape! If I start collecting cats I’ve gone too far.

If I keep sleeping all day and playing video games all night with random dance breaks I should be find. Gotta keep that gamer body in shape!! Yeah that was bad. I need some soda to be funny.

You should really check out that Dead Mouse song. It rocks! I like the beat. I like how my hair moves when I dance like a dork.

So here is what I want. A summed up version.

Close to my age. If you’re younger I really hope you’re mature and nice. I can’t stand chicks who are mean and swear. Thin because I like to wrap my arms around the person I love. Cute style. Fresh breath. Nice hair. That’s about it. Oh and no cheaters, chicks still in a relationship and looking. No drugs. A good girl. Might as well jump out the window because those are hard to find.

It’s bad enough trying to find someone who wants a relationship that you match up with. If I had a drink I would hold it up and toast to love.

Anyways. I guess that’s it.