i need help.

So I’m sitting here doing a survey and all of a sudden the noise that my phone makes when it gets a text goes off. I figure it’s Cingular saying that my bill’s been payed, so I go and check it. But no. It’s not that. It’s not Sara or Cory or Meru. It’s Mike.

Mike.

WTF. And it says: hey, its mike, i know this is unexpected, but i would really like a chance to see you, please call me thursday morning.

Guys, what am I going to do? I don’t want to be mean and ignore it. But I don’t want to get involved with that again. I could always use the work excuse, but I’m off for four days in a row. I’m really scared, y’all. I know I can’t resist. I know that. . .that I’m never going to fully be over him. And I know that I love Cory with all my heart. But this is going to kill me.

Y’all know better than anything what my relationship with Mike was like. How scared I was of him, how I couldn’t be myself around him. I don’t know why I loved him, or why I’m not fully over him. I don’t know why this is bothering me so much. I don’t know why this is affecting me so damn much. But it is. This is going to drive me nuts if I don’t find out what he wants. Because he must need something. I can’t deal with this right now.

I don’t need another “love triangle”. I would never cheat on Cory, but this is going to throw me out of whack. This is fucking monumental. This is insane. This is totally unexpected. This is. . .this is my worst nightmare come true. I’m more angry than anything. How dare he try to come back into my life when I’ve finally gotten everything straightened out, no thanks to him. How dare he think he can come marching back, thinking that I’ll call him because I’ve just *got* to come running back into his arms after all this time.

The last time I spoke to him was five months ago. When he told me he was done with my ass, and that I should get the fuck over it. That hurt me so bad, y’all. Like, so so sooooo bad. I cried forever after that. That hurt is still there, guys. That hurt is never going to go away and I’m scared of reopening old wounds. But at the same time I need to know what he wants. And why he picked now to text me and tell me he wanted to see me. What made him, after all this time, decide that now was when he needed to see me. Maybe to make sure I’m okay? Maybe to keep tabs on me?

Maybe he’s still in love with me. And the hardest thing I’ll ever do, is tell him to leave me alone. Because that’s what it’ll take. Someone help. Tell me what to do. Please?