Waiting

I don’t really know what I am waiting for. I am waiting for this flu to be gone, I am bored. I don’t know how to be lazy. I did laundry and cleaned the house a little.  I am skipping church tomorrow to make sure all my germs are gone.  I can’t be dropping my munchkin and all her cooties in childcare.  I don’t like the pastor at my new church. I can’t follow him; he is seriously triggering to me.  It feels like I am talking to my ex, word salad. Feels like he is talking just to talk and saying nothing. I automatically zone out and that is not good. Me and the bestie are going to visit some new churches in the area every other weekend when Madelyn is with her dad. I don’t want her to keep childcare hoping.

Rivertree in Hartville and Faith Family

It was beautiful out today; I only left the house to get the mail. I opened all the windows, all doors and I am just enjoying the breeze and feeling safe. It feels truly safe here for my daughter. I called my friend who lives in Indiana. She is family really; I have known her since I was 12 or 13 when she moved to the neighborhood with her husband and son who was around 2. She was like my older sister, who gave me my first cigarette at 15 and coke at 17.  Not good choices on either of our parts. The smoking stuck around 20 + years but I only did the drugs that one night. I have probably smoked pot 3 times in my life. She is a good person and I lots of good memories with her. We played cards all the time and went to Bingo.

Thanksgiving 2016 I spent with my ex-husband at Denny’s eating eggs over my hammy after finding out about the chick from the bar. Thanksgiving 2017 I was at my in-laws, I got a Facebook message from a stranger telling me she was in a bad car accident. She was high on meth and drove her car into a semi-truck and was life flighted to the hospital. The next day I drove to Cleveland to pick up her son and drove him to see her in the ICU.  I didn’t think she was going to make it. She has an angel charm on my bracelet, I bought it that weekend we were there. I prayed angels would watch over her. I didn’t know God then, but I prayed. My ex bought a $1700 TAG watch he never wore but had to have. I was emotional and said buy whatever you want.

Madelyn didn’t go with her dad Thursday because she was sick. He is going to keep her Monday and Tuesday; maybe I’ll go buy a new pair of Spring shoes!