Proverbs 4:23

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

I met my soon to be ex-husband when I was 22. I was a sophomore in college, on the Dean’s List, a naive virgin who had never even kissed a boy. My sister died when I was in high school, dating was not on my to-do list. Not that I would have known I was worth dating back then, I still struggle with knowing that now. I was working at the pizza shop, and I remember the day he came in. He was sitting in the lobby talking to my work mom. Something about the Voice always catches my attention first. Later I told my work mom I had a crush on him. I told her not to tell him, but I knew she would. I like to be noticed sometimes and I have my ways. He started showing up to my job a lot more. He was my first everything, I gave him all my pieces.

There is a difference between a good man and a man better than what you had known before.  I only know that now. We broke up a year and a half later really for the same reason we are ending things now. I was asked once if I had ever had a healthy relationship with a man, I just assumed we were referring to romantic relationships. I started counting out loud but was rudely interrupted and didn’t get very far. I was young and everyone said just have sex with someone else, you will feel better. Lies; don’t do that. Horrible advice! I was young and dumb; I listened and had a one night with a coworker. 3 of 4 men I have had sex with were coworkers, I am always showing off that sexy brain of mine.

In 2009 my best friend was getting married to my exs best friend. I was the maid of honor, and he was the best man. He was bringing his girlfriend and I was single. There was no way I was going to this wedding alone, so I asked a coworker to go. This turned in to a 1 yr+ friends with benefits situation. Terrible idea; do not do that. I eventually broke that off. I am not that kind of girl.  I pissed his girlfriend off that night, my teenage attitude problem. My friend had cupcakes with cherries on them. The girlfriend came up to me and said I just came over here to steal your cherry. I said I am sorry, but your boyfriend stole that several years ago. Yes, I was drinking. My date just looked at me and said WOW! She stomped off real mad.

We found our way back to each other in February 2011 and I thought it was meant to be. That we had grown up enough, turns out I was wrong. I didn’t realize how broken I was.

I know better now, you have to put a ring on it. Jesus loves me this I know. My Iron Lobster told me so!