In my dreams

I keep waking up between 3-4 am from my dreams.

I had a dream about beating some man up. I was yelling and screaming and punching him in the face. I was telling him all the hurtful things he had done to me that he denied. He got up and walked away and I followed.

He tried to tell hotel staff what I had done and watch the cameras. I owned it and said yes I did it. I was drunk and asked for the keys to go get my purse from the car. The man tried to give me the clicker but not the key. He was worried I would try to drive away. I told him I couldn’t drive a stick shift. When he gave me the key I laughed and said or can I? Laughed and started running away. I went out and got my purse from a red truck. I wanted money to go to the hotel casino.

(I was texting my brother about Easter dinner and my car before bed and I asked if he had scraped his red truck. I always asked my ex to teach me how to drive stick shift, he never did.)

In my dream I was at my ex in laws. In part of the dream I was laying in bed with my ex and his stepmom but somehow I ended up on the floor. Then everyone was awake at the table eating breakfast but it was 4am and my ex, his dad, stepmom and brother were all there but wouldn’t talk to me. I ate my bacon and eggs left the house and was crying in my car as I drove away.

I had a dream about leaving the county and when I opened my suit case to get my swimsuit it was old college books. My intro to psych book was in there. My ex had put the suit case in the car before I left. I thought he switched my things on purpose. I don’t remember who I was with but they thought I was crazy for thinking my ex had switched my bags on purpose.

I think about seeing you sometimes and try to imagine how that would go. I alway imagine myself crying uncontrollably and you giving me a hug or you sitting next to me holding my hand for a minute and I put my head on your shoulder. Sometimes we are at a dinner party I make a big joke about who brought him to the party, she is gonna start trippin. I am still super mad at you for this. Stop validating my feelings. Don’t stop doing that. Stop doing that lol  I just cried and now I am laughing I hope you are happy