I will believe love

I cried about this on Friday with me therapist. We talked about my mommy issues. I remembered that moment when I thought I was being selfish fighting for my baby in the NICU and she was suffering and I couldn’t help her, and that thought about how maybe she wasn’t supposed to be here. I waited a long time for her.  Then I remembered how I was told I wasn’t supposed to be here. My parents were not getting along and my mom went to the doctor to get on the pill and found out she was pregnant with me. I was an accident.

My sister was abused by a relative as a child . My mom knew and they both left me with that person when I was a kid. They left me with a brother hurting me as a kid.

My mom knew and left me there. She never really wanted me anyway. I was an accident. I must have deserved that treatment. I wasn’t good enough, worthy enough and I must have done something wrong. We didn’t clear my target and have more to do next week.

I’ll replace the lie with love.