I have discovered my latest talent.

I am an aspiring dancer now: that is what Just Dance 2020 tells me. We B Crazy busy around here and I have been struggling to get physical activity back into my routine. The Yoga mat made it into the house, and I paid the $12 for a year membership for online classes, thanks Groupon. Baby girl is struggling to give mom personal space. I think she is trying to climb back in the womb sometimes. Can I go to the bathroom by myself today? No? Okay! Stage 5 clinger, she has to get this from her dad lol.  I love every crazy minute of it.  So, I had to think outside the box; I hooked up my Nintendo Switch. I told myself, “It is time to Get Off Your Seat! “It is so much fun and I am so thankful no one is here to watch me embarrass myself doing it. I am not doom in gloom all the time.

Baby girl is finding her voice now that we have put time limits on this pacifier. Every time she does something cute, I still feel like sharing a picture with her dad, then it is back to reality. I share them with my friends instead but still feel sad about it.  I feel sad for him. He takes her Tuesdays and Thursdays 5p-8p. They are usually at basketball in public with her brother, but I worry when she is away. He has not asked for her on weekends or overnights which makes me equally annoyed and grateful. I did ask him to take her 1 Saturday and he did. I got to go with her brother to the movies, I miss him. I don’t know what to do about that. Anyway, I do not know what I was thinking buying this ball pit for her, she is throwing balls everywhere.

Tabata and Kickboxing at the YMCA have made it on my schedule for this week, so fingers crossed I am not too tired to make it. I am blessed that my nanny keeps baby girl overnights on Tuesdays for me so I can meet my friends for girls’ night. Dirty Martinis here I come! I did not meet my goal of reading a book for February, but I forgive myself, I have been writing a lot. I did get my self-care in last week and went for a 90-minute massage, that was blissful. I also scheduled for a mani/pedi next month.  Best part, no one is complaining about me taking care of me. Those were on my lists, 1 self-care activity a month, 30 mins of exercise 5 days a week. I also plan date night 1 time a month with a friend.

In 17 days the dissolution will be final, a not so Perfect Ending to this chapter of my life but When the Smoke Clears a brighter future is ahead, I have faith in that.  It was on my list to “Stop and take a breath” They asked for volunteers to serve at “BREATHE” at church this past Sunday. I signed up for March 18th, it’s a day of respite for parents or caregivers with special needs children. I worked in Residential Treatment for the DD Population for years. I can serve there. I missed a few bible studies and saw my leader first thing Sunday, her first word “I have missed you”.

I got a voicemail from my oldest stepson (21) a few weeks ago. He told me he loved me and that he missed me. He said I was really good to him growing up and he was thankful for me, really thankful. He told me about his new job and that he started therapy. I tried to call back, but he never answers.  I sent him text and told him I was proud of him. Maybe that was my purpose in this marriage, to be a good mom, to show them a love they would not have known without me.