Girl Crush

I woke this morning and hurriedly got ready for an appointment at the health pavilion twenty minutes south of where I live. My two hours of sleep was not sufficient, and I realized this after pressing ‘snooze’ at least twice and then having the typical ‘oh shit’ moment that occurs when one realizes they’ve overslept. Pulling on my boots and a flannel top I nearly fell down the apartment steps going to the car while running my fingers through my tangled hair. The interstate wasn’t too busy this morning, thankfully, so I was able to make it in record time avoiding all opportunities for collisions and speeding tickets. Parking – which is normally at least a ten minute ordeal wasn’t bad today, either.

Enter elevator. ‘Twelfth floor. Hmm. A voicemail…’

My appointment was cancelled. The woman I was meeting with was suddenly ill, and her replacement was unavailable for my appointment. I pursed my lips, resisting the urge to sigh loudly for the sake of the three other people waiting on the elevator with me in such close proximity. I stepped out of the elevator on floor twelve – probably to make it look like I was actually going somewhere. Why do I care about what others think so much? My trip back to my jeep was uneventful and I sat in the driver’s seat wondering where to go. ‘I didn’t get out with only two hours of sleep for nothing’, I thought to myself.

I hadn’t eaten yet. Maybe it was time to visit my new favorite brunch place downtown. It was another ten to fifteen minutes south and well worth the drive. I love the quaint atmosphere of this place. The eclectic decor mingled with the almost rustic design of the breakfast bar area work perfectly together. There is always some sort of alternative music playing and the servers are always smiling, their tattoos and piercings on display. Super down to earth. My kind of people. It’s clear they enjoy working there, and I don’t blame them. It’s one of those places that make it seem impossible to leave without a smile. I take a seat at the bar and am promptly handed a menu, but I’ve already pretty much decided on the vegan pancakes.

Then I saw her. Again. She had been my waitress before, and regrettably I didn’t remember her name. I believe it started with an ‘M’. I could kick myself for making that mistake, and I know it won’t happen again should I be lucky enough to hear her name again. Unfortunately, she wasn’t my waitress today. She was casually tending to the juicer and espresso machines behind the bar, likely not even noticing that I was looking down at my menu with a not-so-subtle blush on my cheeks. I didn’t even notice that I was blushing, at first. It went away after a few minutes of distracting myself with the menu, but returned when she came to make some small talk with me.

We discussed another local restaurant that offered plant-based options. I remembered the last time we chatted that she told me she was also plant-based. She smiled and mentioned she’d been there but it had been a long time. She wants to go back. “You should! You won’t regret it if you’re ever in that area.” I say with a returning smile. A few more moments of brief conversation and she is filling more orders. She is stunning. Petite. Her eyes are bright and her smile is brighter. Her lips pouted, and she had a small stud in her nose that accents it’s shape perfectly. Her purple and blue hair is tucked beneath the ball cap she wore. I only know that it’s long because I saw it the last time I was eating here. Her clothes are simple, nothing too flashy. Then again, I’d wager she’d look great in a potato sack.

It wasn’t until I received my pancakes that I came to the conclusion. I had a girl crush. ‘Why? Where the heck did this come from?’, were my initial thoughts. I thought she was beautiful, and the handful of times I’d spoken to her she was sweet. This led to some confusion as I began to cut my breakfast into small, manageable pieces. I’m not the sort of person who gets crushes. I’m pragmatic. Practical. I’m the person at work who, when shown pictures of ‘attractive’ people by gushing coworkers, shrugs and says, “They’re alright”, Or, “Yeah. They’re handsome/pretty.” I feel like this hit me like a truck, and I feel partially curious and partially like a creep.

On the way home, I thought about why she was permeating my mind so hard. I came to the realization after a bit that perhaps it’s because she’s the person that I want to be. Slender, carefree. Of course, not everything is as it seems on the surface – but there was something so warm and wonderful about her aura as she was smiling and making small talk with people. She was comfortable with herself and her job – and on top of that she seemed to really enjoy her job. Comparatively, my career is hit and miss. Good days sometimes, bad days sometimes, long hours always. I’ve often considered doing something else with my life – something that wouldn’t pay half as much – but had considerably less stress involved. Initially, my mind went to working at a bookstore. Somewhere quiet, as opposed to the constant beeping of alarms and pagers at the hospital. I’ve already invested so much in my career, and I’m continuing to invest in a graduate degree for a specialty. Leaving now would be problematic at best and disastrous at worst.

One of my biggest regrets at my workplace is that I can’t dye my hair any sort of unnatural colors. I’ve always wanted to compliment my blue eyes with a subtle tint of blue in my hair. This would hinder my professionalism and my ability to provide good care for patients – certainly. I had talked about getting my nose or eyebrow pierced with a subtle stud too, which is something else frowned upon by my place of employment. Thinking back to her blue hair and nose piercing, it made sense. I have a girl crush on the girl that I want to be.

Weird, huh?

Regardless, I’m already excited for my next visit to that quaint little brunch spot. If not for the beautiful server, then certainly for the vegan blueberry pancakes.