boys of summer.

one of my faves is a little confused about the boy situation. i can’t blame him. i am too.

here’s the breakdown:

while it seems like there have been lots of boys and they all overlap, they don’t as much as it might seem. there was tom since late december until the end of june. then there was conor but only for a short time. now there’s eric and cameron’s always been somewhere in the background but he’s a thousand miles away in missouri. even if there was an overlap, i’ve not been verbally committed to any of these guys. i’ve also not been sleeping with more than one at a time.

it might also seem like i’m jumping for whoever comes my way, but i’m being picky. there was russ, ben, stephen, and adrian…guys who pursued me but i kept it strictly friendly. i’m only going for guys i feel i actually have a connection with.

i don’t have a direction. i’m 96% sure i’d like to be involved with eric. there’s a lot i like about him. i’m in an interesting place because even though san marcos is a short drive, i’m still not going to be around here all the time. i freaked out about eric last night. it doesn’t help that megan doesn’t like him and she doesn’t trust him and she keeps telling me that. i don’t think he’s a bad guy. despite my past choices (which, by the way, i always can feel it at the beginning if it’s going to be rough) like heath, i read people pretty well and generally have a good idea about their intentions.

i am going to have a talk with eric probably a week or two after i move up to school for real.

my mattress at my apartment in SA is on the ground right now and eric and i were laughing about it and i said, "don’t worry. my real mattress has a bed frame. you’ll see it." and he responded with, "i plan on seeing it very soon. sometime in the next week."

i don’t have a reason not to trust him. i do, however, think he’s pretty jealous. this may have been one of the reasons he was standoffish last night. he met my dad last night. anyway, back to the story. i was meeting up with john and i absolutely adore john. it’s obvious. not in a romantic way at all, but i seriously think john hangs the moon. eric knew i was meeting up with him and when i told eric i was leaving the hofbrau (where john was) he texted, "oh, john’s no fun tonight?"

also, when i get texts eric reads them. it’s casual and i have nothing to hide, but generally when someone i’m with gets a text, i look away. it’s none of my business. it’s not like he’s pulling my phone from me and reading…it’s just something i’ve noticed.

plus, i should know better than anyone that when one person puts their guard up, the other soon follows. if i’m being distant, and maybe i am, i should expect him to pull away a bit. i never contact eric first, never make plans, i’m letting him come to me.

so yeah, that’s all i’ve got.