07/27/2013

i’m going to start writing down all the good things that happen to me every day. it’s going to be like counting my blessings or counting my fingers and toes but…all day.

i think it’ll make me happier.

i have really good feelings about the upcoming months. everything i used to feel for alan is coming back. i got the job. i’m starting school. i’m going to take it easy and take my time and enjoy things and be happy.

i’m making progress. i’m not being stagnant. i really missed alan. sometimes it’s easy to forget how good things can be. when you don’t touch or allow yourself to talk to your partner and you hold everything back, you forget how nice it is to do those things.

i missed waking up to him. i missed breathing him in. i missed touching his hair. i missed dancing and laughing and eating and being us. i don’t know how long i’ll feel this way, but i want it to stay. i am so grateful for his patience.

the other night at dinner after my mom told me that she and chris were getting married before october and i’m going to be the witness, chris held my hand and my mom’s hand and looked at us and said, "take a few deep breaths and remember these moments. things may not always be this perfect, but at least we had this time together."

and i’ve been thinking the same thing.