07/24/2013
after my workout this morning, i walked into my room and watched alan sleep for a while. his face was so peaceful and i could make out his muscular back and arms.
i think i am falling in love over again. i would like to be, at least. maybe this is a cycle. maybe it’s about sometimes being in lust and sometimes being in love but always knowing that someone has your back.
i watch jenny and milos at dinner. they kiss and touch and laugh and i wonder if alan and i look that way. we did at one point. i want it back.
I feel like I want to give you advice, but you know yourself and what you need better than anyone. As you said, you are getting in your own way… and I believe that you underestimate yourself and your abilities to love. However, if you feel like you’re fleeting in love, well, maybe that’s just you. But you know what… there is someone who will stand by you, let you explore, and still welcome you back with open arms when you come home. I think that’s what Alan is to you.. he’s Home. You’re a bit of a wanderer… but hopefully you’ll always be able to come back home.
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