07/08/2011
i’m not sure why i feel broken up with when we were a) never really together and b) i called it off, but i feel like i’ve ended something that was real, at least to me.
i can’t help but feel that if i was prettier or thinner or whatever it is that i’m not feeling today things would be different.
seven months, give or take a few weeks, is a bigger chunk of time than i would’ve usually given a situation like this, but i was falling in love with the good parts of tom. in a weird way i’m happy the bad parts interrupted.
i still feel as though i’m missing a huge piece. whether it’s drugs or personality disorders or whatever, things didn’t add up even remotely close to the way they should have.
i can’t help but hope that in two days or two weeks or two months he’ll call me up and tell me he made a mistake, that he’s ready and i’m the one. he won’t and once i’m busy with school i’ll let that go and he’ll fade out and the sleeping and singing and laying on the floor will slip away with him.
but it hurts right now and i’m escaping to the coast to go sailing this weekend and i’m counting my blessings every five minutes when i start to feel sorry for myself and i’m preparing to bounce back.
Good! Go sailing. Take me with you. You have every right to be bummed about the situation. I mean shit, I was soooo bummed about C and we saw each other for 2 weeks. Every situation is different, and you deserve a grieving period. It’s natural to hope he comes back and everything is perfect, but even if he does come back, he’ll be the same. People don’t change. Not much, anyway. Andhe didn’t change from when he was lame Tom, because he remained lame Tom. He’ll always be lame Tom. But have faith, grasshopper, that you will find someone who treats you better than this string of jackasses you’ve experienced. And trust that you need to be treated well. Be good to yourself in the meantime and have fun!
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I’m sorry! If I was anywhere nearby, I’d take you out and we’d celebrate singleness instead of mourning men who weren’t worth us! And for the record, you ARE beautiful and thin and any guy would be lucky to have you!
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yeah…the way you feel makes absolute sense. I hung out with this guy for 7 months who never said we were together and never would have been exclusive. and when i finally said I couldn’t do it anymore – I was the one who was crushed. I wanted so badly for more from him than he could give. I still consider him the biggest sense of rejection I’ve ever had. NO fun.
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buuuut, you’re going sailing! and you are going to see cameron soon. And, you’ll get through this. I mean, god woman, you’re one of the strongest people I know. Even when you seem weak there’s a very evident strength in who you are or who you want to be that seems to compel you forward. And i love that. yes! It absolutely was a shout out!! 😀
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chin up 🙂 xx
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sailing! that sounds so cool 🙂
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