05/12/2013

i’m sneaking in an entry before a loooong double at work followed by an evening out with my new coworkers at my favorite gay bar. gay bars are the best. the best dancing, the best drink specials, the best not getting hit on at all. i love it.

i don’t know what happened to the rest of my last entry. what i can tell you is that court played out well and they ended up dropping my charge to a class c and i basically have to pay $250 in court costs and that’s it. i shouldn’t have been pulled over and i knew that, but i tried not to stress that part of my being arrested because i feel like everyone always says they shouldn’t have been pulled over. the court appointed lawyer wanted to fight my case because the cop simply stated he pulled me over because i was "driving too closely to him". no specifics, no speed limit, no recording, and he misquoted me. i still have no idea why he pulled me over. but whatever. i’m happy to be finished with it.

heath got hit by a car by a girl who thought we were fucking. i think it’s hilarious. i don’t remember if this part was in the last entry, but i can’t think of anyone in the world who deserves to be hit by a car more than heath does. she also filed sexual harassment charges against him which may or may not be true, but i’m positive heath has sexually harassed someone, somewhere.

i bought my ACL ticket. the lineup includes depeche mode, the cure, phoenix, and just about everyone else ever.

i barely survived last week but i made a ton of new friends and i am so excited because my new job is at one of the best restaurants in the city. i don’t know how i managed to get this job and i’m crossing my fingers in hopes i can hang, but we’ll see. it’s a ton of new information and wine knowledge and i haven’t had dedicated the appropriate amount of time because i haven’t had the time. i worked over 50 hours in four days last week, but i can seriously eat whatever i want and however much i want and i’m still losing weight and that ROCKS.

as for alan, i don’t know. we had an incredible two days and we saw the place beyond the pines and i haven’t stopped thinking about that movie. see it if you haven’t. we spent yesterday in austin and i’m sunburned and a stranger threw up on me but i was kind to her because that’s how i was monday at work. i didn’t throw up on anyone, but there’s nothing worse than a killer hangover and vomiting somewhere you should never have to throw up.

i’m not ready to not have alan in my life. he knows this, too, and he’s not ready to give up on me. my feelings fade in and out and i think this is sometimes how long, real relationships are. it’s not always 100% all the time. i’m not used to not being head over heels and i’m definitely not used to this incredible amount of patience alan has with me. when i push he steps back, when i need him he’s there. i would never stay if i didn’t feel like there was something there. the problem, honestly, is me and it’s my nature to be wishy washy and second guess everything. i’m not bored with him, i am not ready to move on, i am mostly confused about everything but i’ve come to those two conclusions. outside of money, i don’t know if there is anything more that anyone could give me. i don’t know if it gets better than alan. will i look at some point? yes.

i don’t want to be strapped down. ever. but this is working for me right now and for the most part when i am not fucking psycho, it’s a beautiful, healthy relationship.

the best i’ve had.

iced coffee with soy milk and i’m out the door.