01/07/2013

dear kate,

since your dad and my mom started dating, we’ve traveled an awkward path of figuring out what we mean to each other, how our relationship should work and how i should refer to you in conversation. we’ve finally overcome most of the awkwardness. i no longer feel the need to talk about our parents, i’m not trying to impress you anymore, and i can honestly say that i appreciate you more than the free drinks you give me when i come into the bar you work at.

when you decided to get married and move to virginia with a guy you’d been long distance dating for less than a year, i thought it was reckless and dumb. you had an entire life here — school, family, conor, an awesome job. it wasn’t my place or my business and i kept my mouth shut and nodded when my mom assured me that you and dylan would make it.

while most people were surprised that everything dylan had told you was a lie (he never went to cal tech, he wasn’t who he said he was in the navy, the $4,000 ring he gave you was fake), i wasn’t and i definitely did not feel bad for you. there are some situations that you look into, that you move slowly toward, and getting married and moving across the country are some of those things.

all of this came at a bad time for me. i know it’s selfish, but you crashing in four days before christmas on a $1300 plane ticket didn’t exactly jive well with my moving and packing and cleaning and preparing a new apartment, especially when i needed my mom’s help for all of the above. it turned out okay, actually. i moved, cleaned, packed and prepared alone and it gave me a sense of pride and accomplishment and i forgave your poor decision and brushed aside my jealousy that my mom ran to your side.

i’ve started painting my new apartment. i’m working eleven shifts this week and my mom offered to help me paint my new place. you left for virginia with your best friend to pack up your stuff and road trip home a few days ago. it seemed to all be going smoothly, this nightmare was over for you, and then things took a bad turn in new orleans. you punched your best friend in the face, knocked her out and got kicked out of your hotel room.

i don’t get it.

my mom shoots me a text saying, "you know how it is ashley, you’ve been there."

um, no i haven’t.

i haven’t been married, i haven’t moved across the country to be with someone i don’t know, i haven’t been kicked out of a hotel and i most definitely have never hit ANYONE in the face or knocked out my best friend. my mom is again wrapped up in your life and i know i should be more mature, but i am tired of your irresponsibility. you have no money, you’re living at their house, you’re getting fucked up and ridiculous all the time and everyone is putting up with it like this is normal behavior. you were only married two months.

let’s get real. you struggled with the idea of dylan because he wasn’t "attractive enough" for you. you were dating other people while you dated him long distance. maybe you found yourself in love with him, maybe you were really distraught that he lied to you. maybe. could you work on your timing for your crazy outbursts? could you maybe ask me if i need my mom because she’s my mom and she’s promised me all this help that she suddenly can’t give me because your huge, poorly thought out problems are overshadowing all this great stuff i’m doing with my life right now?

thanks,
ashley

dear mom,

when brad asked me over the holidays if it ever bothered me that you treated kate and conor like your own kids, i thought it was a stupid question and i answered "no" without hesitation. i wasn’t that upset when you couldn’t help me move my stuff because i’m an adult and i knew i could manage. it wasn’t a big deal.

but it’s starting to be a big deal. when you can’t be a part of my life because you have to watch chris’ gig at the coast that he has every weekend, the one where he plays the same songs every time, or because kate is causing a bunch of bull shit for herself, it frustrates me. i can’t even talk to you about it because you’ll tell me i’m ungrateful or selfish, and while i might be a little selfish right now, i am generally not either of those things.

when i kicked eric out of the apartment, you yelled at me. you freaked out and said horrible things to me out of nowhere. i remember sitting on the bathroom floor at chris’ sobbing because you hadn’t even asked if i was okay. i wasn’t okay and it made me angry that i had put up with all your chris shit for the last three years and you couldn’t be there for one of the most difficult choices i’ve ever made.

please stop putting me on the back burner. i am the only person who has stuck by your side this entire time.

ashley