March 24, 2002-

God I miss her every single minute of every single day. I know none of them will ever forgive me for making the wrong decision that morning. I don’t forgive me either.

But I can’t change it. Not one single solitary second. I can’t push time back or forward even a split second. That split second that would make all the difference. I can’t touch it. So I miss her. I miss her. I miss her. I miss her. Every day.

So I’ll take this silly little stuffed animal, the one I only allow myself to get out a few times a year, and I’ll hug it and know that it is as close to her as I’ll ever get again. I’ll get into bed with a man who loves me, but will never really understand me, and I’ll hug this soft little cuddly stuffed animal. It is the only link to her I have left.