From the ashes. AKA Vegas post.

I seem to not be terribly consistent about writing here much lately. I am a scumbag.

But a lot has happened to me lately, and I need to write it in here, both for posterity’s sake, and to show why I’ve not been around too much.

In the past two weeks, I’ve been to Las Vegas, and hustled for what will hopefully turn into a nice job in the next few days.

 

I went to Las Vegas to meet a few gaming buddies of mine. Those buddies being my friends Z and puppy, who I last met up with in Savannah, and this other guy named Corey, aka Newf to us.

Z is an engineer from Alabama.

"puppy" is a graphics designer from Toronto. He looks like a hardcore punk, and honestly, he is. But he’s also one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met.

"Newf" is a technical writer from Calgary. Honestly, I didn’t see much of him because he was too busy getting the legit Vegas experience of drinking and gambling 24/7. Honestly, I only saw him actually eat something only once the entire time. Whoever said man cannot live on beer alone was full of it, apparently.

 

I didn’t gamble there, because, well, I think you’re crazy if you go into these veritable palaces, places that cost millions upon millions to build, and expect to somehow make money off the people that run them. But I still had a lot of fun. Here is some of the experience.

 

Tuesday

For any of you that have never been to Vegas, it’s important to note that Caesar’s palace is huge. Like, an entire-city-block-by-itself huge. It’s hard to really put into words how massive it is, but it’s really easy to realize that this was where entertainers like Frank Sinatra sang back in the day, and why now it welcomes acts like Jerry Seinfeld, Shania Twain, and Elton John.
What we also learned, was that it also boasts a mall inside of it as well. It’s a mall full of insanely expensive designer stores, with price tags that make you wonder just how first world your problems really are. So of course, in a place full of overpriced merchandise, of course there was also an Apple store.
This is for  all the mac lovers:

While watching an animatronic show about Atlantis, two old ladies are the first to comment on Puppy’s mohawk.
Ladies: “you’ll grow out of it when you’re older, how old are you?”
Pup: “28”
Ladies “ohhh…but what will you do when you have a job interview, with hair like that?!”
Pup: “I have a job, working in visual production”
Ladies “ohhh (awkward silence)”
Ladies: “Well, your hair’s getting all gray! What will you do about it then?”
Pup: *shrugs* “Well, at least I won’t have to peroxide it first. I’ll save money that way!”
*ladies stare at him, even more bewildered*
ProfZ: “oh don’t worry about it, he’s Canadian”
Ladies: “ahhh, okay then that makes sense”

Later we checked out the wildlife exhibit at the Flamingo casino

It was here that I also discovered the existence of albino catfish. I resisted the urge to catch one and attempt to fry it for dinner.
Then everyone decided to go bowling, so we try to catch the free shuttle. Too many people are waiting. An employee tells us we’ll have to wait another 30 minutes to get on the next one, and we’re not exactly in the mood to stand in line for that, so we take a cab. This guy was our cab driver:

When we settled into the car, he started asking us questions. Because he prided himself on being a real cabbie, and not all robotic like “those shuttle bus drivers”.
Cabbie: “So what are you guys in town for? Bachelor party?”
Us: “Nah. Actually, we all met on the internet.”
Cabbie: “Ah. match.com, maybe?”
Pup: “Zoosk, actually, but thanks for asking!”
When he found out we all met online playing video games he asked “oh so you must like Notch then?”
We all just sort of froze for a moment. None of us expected a cab driver in his late 40s AT BEST to know what Minecraft was, let alone the Swedish guy that created it. We sort of just had to say “Well played, sir”, and give him a nice tip once he dropped us off at our destination.

This was the bowling center: 70 lanes wide! For some reason, everyone else was on the far right side of the alley, while they placed us on lane 14. Maybe to let our awesomeness radiate with proper breathing room.

Since they were not on their home turf, the Americans decided to let the Canadians win a few games:
<img src="http://www.refugeegaming.com/forum/images/spacer.gif&quot; title="Zoom in (real dimen

sions: 912 x 684)” alt=”Zoom in (real dimensions: 912 x 684)” class=”reimg-zoom” />

We all had our botches. Z constantly nailed 9 pins, and then proceeded to miss the spare almost every.single.time. We then dubbed the last pin the “troll pin”, for obvious reasons. I kept throwing the ball incorrectly, until I realized I was using the wrong fingers. Puppy? Okay, we lied. No botches for him. He’s awesome at bowling.

But the best? That was Newf’s.

We didn’t realize until later that a group from the Special Olympics was playing on the other end of the building. The highlight of the afternoon was when one of the players with down syndrome started heckling Newf for a few frames He even said “Ha ha!” when Newf’s ball went into the gutter once. Seemed appropriate for the man who almost singlehandedly keeps the “ERMAGERD!” meme alive and well in our gaming community .

After bowling, we decided to head downtown to Fremont street. We grabbed a random cab, which turned out to be driven by a very lively Asian gentlemen.

This is where stuff got pretty weird, and honestly, suddenly felt like we were suddenly in a scene out of "The Hangover".

He and Newf immediately hit it off discussing “getting some cooch”, and then he surprised us all by whipping out his phone and showing off some porn video. He held it up so we could watch the ‘finale’; and of course Newf recognized the actress He also had a truly spectacular maniacal laugh.

Once we arrived downtown Puppy immediately made a new friend:

while Newf headed to the poker tables.

The rest of the group explored downtown, including the famous Heart Attack Grill

where if you weigh over 350lbs you eat free! Sorry Pup, you’ll get there someday.

After a cheap steak dinner we eventually found the Insert Coins arcade/lounge/bar and got our game on. It’s an interesting concept, and a fairly unique one, since none of us could recall any similar concept offered anywhere in our respective home areas. Basically, you can play old arcade games. But you can also pay a flat rate, sit at the bar, and play BRAND NEW games on monitors above the bar while you drink. I watched a guy start playing Resident Evil 6, and suddenly felt like I was slacking. I wasn’t even aware that this game came out recently. How embarassing.

But we weren’t there to gawk at the bar. That’s Newf’s job, and he wasn’t with us at first. So we got to playing ridiculously old arcade games!

Not featured (sadly): Z and pup’s truly epic Tetris battle, Z and I teaming up on Metal Slug, and me and pup almost beating Golden Axe on two credits. Once we used up our quarters, we left.

While checking out the amazing overhead light show on Fremont street we met back up with Newf.

And even hung out with some locals. One thing about Vegas: There are tons of people dressed in all sorts of different costumes, ready to take photos with you. All they want in return is a tip. Our personal favorite was probably a really old lady dressed in an Elmo costume, that was stopping for a smoke break. If you listened hard enough, you could hear our childhoods shattering. But here, we just happened to find Spiderman, and couldn’t resist.

We headed back to the strip. At this point, pup was really, really drunk. For those of you that have seen his now infamous “sitting and eating a burger” video, he was on par with that. He decided he had to make a detour through some bushes to mark his territory, despite the fact that the bushes did absolutely nothing to hide him from the road beside us.

We had a chance to catch the fountain show at the Bellagio

and posed for a group shot

That night we left puppy and Newf at the poker tables while kayak and ProfZ headed back for sleep. Apparently pup lost a fair amount of money, but no sweat! It’s Vegas.

Wednesday

Z and I awoke fairly well rested Wednesday morning, althou

gh not thrilled that our $25/night discount hotel’s shower drain was slower than dial up internet. I guess I can’t really complain too much, for the price. Even though the Imperial Palace was really old and under construction, and their best in-house show was literally drag queens, it was super cheap, and literally right across the street from Caesar’s Palace. Which is, to say the least, very swank.

We met up with Puppy at the base of the Eiffel Tower and started another day of exploration. Immediately I saw a sign for a restaurant that many ref would obviously love to visit:

Their journey took them by typical tourist shops

and other notable sights

At some point they received a text message that Newf was “hungover and back at the poker table”. No one was surprised, but we all hoped the hangover didn’t cost him money.

I suggested In-and-Out Burger for lunch, since they don’t have locations in the East it would be a new experience. Taking a break from their no-gambling rule, Z and I joined Pup in walking along an 8 lane highway to get to the location. Thankfully no real-life Frogger experience was required.

The general consensus on In-and-Out: good, but hardly the “Best burger joint EVER” that so many west coasters have made it out to be. The burger was good, but not amazing, and the fries were just… strange. Maybe it was because they were so fresh, but regardless, Five Guys appears to be superior. At least to the Ref Vegas/IRC crew.

After lunch we toured the Excaliber Casino and were pleasantly surprised to find a Chuck E. Cheese style arcade downstairs! And thus began many epic battles at smashing aliens, feats of strength, and button mashing.

With the many tickets won from our winnings, we all pooled our hard-earned rewards to acquire the Crystal Eye of Tabitha (grants +2 perception) aka a bouncy ball with crummy screen printing:

At one point, we almost lost it to a hotel toilet, but our trophy lives on!

Then we walked down to Luxor, certainly one of the more interesting to look at casinos, since it’s a huge pyramid. Kind of an odd place, though. It boasts such acts as Criss Angel, and Carrot Top. Yeah. We didn’t stay too long.

One note about Vegas: pup was a chick magnet the entire time. It had to be the hair, because everywhere we went, he was the center of attention, and he certainly wasn’t complaining. Z and I didn’t mind not getting harangued by every solicitor, so it was definitely a mutually beneficial relationship. When we returned to the Excalibur, he was abducted by two rather fetching damsels for a series of pics.

[pic withheld due to decency, possible corruption of young children, and graphic depiction of spanking ]

Found an Irish pub in the New York Casino and enjoyed Magners on tap! This is one of Z’s favorite beverages, and so we couldn’t say no to stopping to all enjoy a nice refreshing rest from the desert sun.

Walked back up to visit Newf playing craps. How do you play craps, exactly? We didn’t know, and apparently Newf didn’t either. But that was okay. He was having a good time. So we decided to go chill for a bit in Pup’s hotel room for a bit, only stopping to pick up yet another cheap Corona for pup from Bill’s Gamblin’ Hall and Casino.

We hung out in Pup’s hotel room. We bounced around our cheap eye bouncy ball, and watched a random episode of Two and Half Men before setting out to walk to yet another joint recommended by Trip Advisor: Roy’s.

Walked over to Roys, but it turned out to be much more fru-fru than we expected, to the point where they made pup actually put on a shirt! The humanity! We were all wanting some sushi pretty badly, and since Roy’s only offered maybe four different kinds of rolls, we ultimately decided to leave. Fortunately, on the walk over, we spied a rather impressive Japanese restaurant, and ended up having a sushi feast there instead.

Walked back and caught the Sirens of TI outdoor show. It was probably the most impressive outdoor shows, with plenty of theatrics, pyrotechnics, and of course, scantily clad sirens that liked to dance around. It’s a really impressive show to watch. I was particularly amazed at how they used so many classical theatre conventions. You could tell a pro designed it, especially with how they sink one of the ships and sneak it away without anyone noticing.

Pup needed more booze, stopped inside Treasure Island at Gilley’s. Pup made some more friends who easily talked him into getting a free t-shirt for buying two shots of Tequila.

With another beer in hand, we walked

down to see the volcano erupt outside of the Mirage

We all agreed another pint of Magner’s cider sounded good, so we began the trip south along the strip.

At some point we took a wrong turn and ended up walking through the Bellagio. We were surprised to discover a free tram ride down to our destination. Along the way we discovered this two story high chocolate fountain

We also discovered that puppy has some strange aversion to escalators, which led to some fun foot races between Z and Pup.

After some great conversation we finally headed back up to check on Newf. Yet again Pup’s hair was making him new friends, like these ladies who were visiting from Paris, France:

Unsurprisingly, Newf was found playing poker. Realizing it was their last night in Vegas, Z and I said their goodbyes and left the Canadians at the table

 

All in all, I had a really good time, even if my feet were torn to shreds.

I’ll get back on the writing challenge in short order. I promise.

 

Yeah, I know. I’m so bad. Sigh.