A bacon singularity.

Well, as of two minutes ago as I begin to write this, it’s December 21st, 2012.

It’s finally here. The apocalypse. The end of the world, as predicted by the Mayan Calendar. TV specials have been made about it. Articles have trended over it. Parties have been scheduled.

Me, personally? I think it’s a load of bunk, of course. I don’t think the world will last forever, but this is just patently ridiculous. People have all sorts of reasons why "It COULD happen, you never know!" It’s like they want it to happen. Not sure why. You’d think they actually want their home planet to turn into a giant fireball, or whatever.

I also think it’s hilarious that no one stopped to consider this little possibility: Okay, so let’s just assume that whatever Mayan indian who was given the tedious task of making the calendar for his people takes his job seriously. He works hard. He works so hard on it, in fact, that he goes THOUSANDS of years ahead of what year they’re already in. So far ahead that he’s put literally generations of calendar makers out of work in the future.

But at some point, he steps back, and says "You know, I’m like four thousand years ahead of where we are now. I think I’ve earned myself a break. We’re good." And went to go have a corn break or something. And then just so happened to never get back to it.

That’s my thought as to the reality of this whole condition.

So, yeah. It’s all silly. But as such, I’ve been sharing theories with friends about how a hypothetical apocalypse will occur, if the calendar speaks the truth. The only condition is that they have to be as stupid as the original idea that it’s coming at all.

My favorites:

-Cyborg mayans arise from a Mexican mainframe not unlike skynet, and destroy most of humanity with eyebeams, but let some of us live as slaves to harvest their food. Oh yeah, and oil their joints.

– Tidal waves of rancid mayonnaise strike every coast, and everyone gets super sick and dies from either food poisoning, or in my case, sheer disdain for that condiment in general.

– Santa Claus awakens from cryogenic sleep and begins throwing explosive elves onto Major World Cities,while riding Rudolph the whole time laughing like a maniac.

– The earth’s core is actually made out of playdough, and like even the best play dough, eventually hardens. The earth stops spinning, and we all die.

and my favorite….

*drumroll*

– The bacon singularity is reached, opening a black hole in the Bermuda Triangle, releasing an army of robotic Amelia Earharts.

What is a bacon singularity, you ask? Not really sure. But stuff happening to bacon outside of eating it is a terrible, terrible thing.

But in all seriousness…. there is such a thing as a self fulfilling prophecy. While I don’t believe it, I don’t doubt there’s any number of nutjobs out there who do, and will do any number of YOLO-tastic, foolish things because they think none of it will matter after tomorrow anyway.

Any of y’all living in major cities where most of these people likely are, be safe, and take care of yourselves. Also, try and stay indoors as much as possible tomorrow.