Writer’s Block

I find that while writing use to be something I could do at anytime–sit down and go on for hours aboout everything in my head–now, I have to pull for words when I do have the chance to write.

I guess in high school and college, my melodramatic lifestyle, in all it’s glory, gave me ample thought to purge onto the page, or computer screen, as it were. But now, with my daughter, and job and life and everything–I find that I am at a loss for time. Or, when I do have the time, the energy. For relaxing on the couch is much more pleasing to me late at night, than to turn on my laptop, argue with it for not working right, and finally sitting down to type.

I’ve also come to the realization that while I have great motives–to try and write again–they are usurped by life and the fact that it is seemingly easier to write when I have had an argument, am stressed, or just plain need to vent about this, that or the other thing. I noticed it the last blog I kept, and have since deserted, only keeping it open to read up on the daily happeninings of a select few, that my writing turned negative.

For example, if one were to read the last blog I kept, one would come to the conclusion that my boyfriend is selfish, pompous, self-rightous, etc. In a word–a complete asshole not worth my time. But he’s not. And while some of those words I just used to describe him may be accurate in some ways, they are not his only traits and they are the worst of his qualities. My writing just seemed to glorify them, as I wrote when I was hurting, confused, or pissed the eff off. And that isn’t fair–not to him, and really, not even to me, because then I get comments about how I deserve better, etc etc. And in all reality–he is my one. we argue–but tell me a couple that doesn’t? His mom, in-fact, tells us all the time, that we argue like an old married couple. It’s quite humourous, at times, actually.

If I could press pause in life everytime the moment came that I had something to write, my pages would be full. But there is no pause button in life, and by the time I can actually sit down and write, most times, that moment has passed and all is lost, forgot, or in different perspective than the intial urge.

I’ve been contemplating whether or not to reconnect with some old friends and acquaintences from ye old blog. I think, at the very least, there is one friend I could always count on. To read and not forward on. To comment and be completely unbiased. We shall see what the tide brings and where my final feelings lie.

Til next time, I bid you adieu. Ciao bella.