1/28/06

I guess I’ll be writing more often. I get more and more things to write about every day. It’s 12:13 AM… Saturday morning.. well it has been for 13 nope… 14 minutes now. I worked the night before last.. Got up thursday at 9AM and I didnt go to sleep until friday at 7 AM.. Got up around 1:30PM and I’m still awake. I’m not tired yet but I do need to go to sleep so Im not getting some nasty irregularity. So much junk going on. Blah. I just cant really figure out where to start. Seems like no matter when I start I always end up mixing it in with something else thats going on so that you really can’t seem to understand what I’m saying. I’m still having issues with my ex-girlfriend. I still think it’s shitty but ya. I’m even less bothered now. Time is helping me out on this one.  I don’t really think she ever really could understand me. Good ridens. I guess shes spreading her legs for her brothers best freind.. What ever I guess. Want to make your self look like a slut which you clearly are then so be it. I swear to god I was keeping her on the straight an narrow I guess I was the only boyfreind that tried to keep her in line. Oh well. Go fuck your self for all I care. Lately I’ve been finding my self with some money issues. Pissing me off really bad actually. Because of her my cell phone bill is 118$ this month and it’s normally 55 or 60$… She took my phone and ran things over. I’m not going to bother to collect on it. I need to take this up as experience and call it even. I’ve got that 118$ to pay… Umm… 20$ in Ebay listing fees.. 20$ Credit card bill, I already paid my insurance… 25$ or so in stuff I bought off of ebay.. Some 3157 Xenon Bulbs, HIM Decals which someone owes me half on, An a Superbit version of a movie called "Snatch" I have 370$ in my checking account but it’s not going to make a dent in what I owe and what I have to pay for. I’m getting a really good insurance record right now I guess.. I’m not driving. Haven’t since the beggining of December. Still not driving yet. My car runs and drives rather well. Just some small things that need to be fixed. Airbag Module needs to be replaced, need to have my ABS sensor replaced as well… It’s actually busted.. where as my Airbag Module is just malfunctioning. Some other small things that should be taken care of is the passenger side window.. It doesn’t go down, Drivers window goes down but it acts like it wants to fall down on the inside of the glass. I’m thinking it’s the window regulator it’s self the thing that makes the window go up and down. I still depressed ya why wouldn’t I be. I don’t have too much to do while I’m home. Most of my freinds are either at work or at college, And when they’re out at night I’m usually working. So I have no time to be with them. Still like to meet that someone whos honest, trusting and doesn’t lie or cheat. Something I did today. Hmm. I cashed my check deposited the money, went to target and bought Viva La Bam seasons 4 and 5. I’ve got them all now. I got Long John Silvers for lunch and I’ve been chilling at home since about 3 or 3:30.. Been watching VLB I turned it off because the only way to watch it is to watch it while it’s loud and since its already 12:30 I can’t do that. People are sleeping. SQL through a cannon isn’t exactly sound freindly at 12:30 AM… Tomorrow I have no idea what’s going on. Heather has been talking to me on the phone alot lately at least I’ve got her. About the only person who calls me aside from someone else. My ex stopped calling basically. I don’t mind talking to her still.. it’s just I don’t have anything to say. And If I do it’s not nice.. Seems to call me when she needs to leave but maybe I’ll catch her when shes not having to go somewhere.. I don’t know where heather has to go but ya… None of my business. I’m going to try and go to bed around 1:30 2 at the latest. Brandon was supposed to show up yesterday morning maybe he’ll do it today. I’ve got some 5 1/4’s in a box I need to wire in parallel to his amplifier.. He only has two front speakers and two subs in the rear. It’s enough to make nausiated while ridding in the car.. since hes got a Jeep that makes it worse. I’ll rig that up. He usually gets on around 12AM but he didn’t I dunno maybe hes working later who knows. Still gotta get a good paying job. I need to make at least 10$ an hour. I’m earning enough now I just need to work more than 32 hours a week. 200$ each week isn’t making it for me. In a sence with alot of things I’ve decided to change my self  alot of phsycial things. I’m kind of an asshole and I need to cut that shit out. Being to arrogant can get you shot in the wrong place if your there at the wrong time. I thinking about growing my hair out long like I did when I was little. Mast my shoulders.. Wont look like I normally do that’s for sure. It’s not straight.. It’s wavy and curly as hell.. and I’m getting a new pair of glasses. Black box frame deals. I’ll wear them all the time. I’ve been wearing mine off and on but they give me headaches so I can’t really wear them ALL the time just yet. I’ve got to get used to it. I’m going to be loosing a hellish amount of weight. I’m cutting out the middle things that I know are for sure not helping. LARGE amounts of Soda, sugar things, and fast food. I’ve been drinking alot of water and koolade thats made from splenda.. I know it’s blah but it’ll make you not want to eat anything. I don’t really want to be eating a whole hell of alot anyway. Im kind of lazy when it comes to excersizing or wanting to have any ambition to do something simple. That’s going to change this year. ’06 is my turn around. I need to get going and do what I want to do. I wont even look like I do right now. I’ll look like someone else. Other news.. or other things that are going on.  Not a whole lot. I’m not sure why but when I listen to music lately some of the things I hear in the songs make me feel depressed or make me think about things.

Some examples.

Cascada – Every time we Touch "I still feel your touch inside my dreams" or "Without you it’s hard to survive.." "Your arms are my castle your heart is my sky."

The chorus from Dark Black Forest…

Sonata Arctica – The Cage "The walls around me, eyes surround me, feed my fear again. I must be freed or I will die before the harvest moon, my friend.  I do not have another year in me, you’ve gotta set me free.

The dream is alive, I can run up the hills every night,  go around and see another side of the tree. All I want is to be unlamed and free, howl and (dream).

The dream is alive, with the moon on the hills every night,  run around and see another side of the dream. Freedom has a meaning for me, you can’t lame me…

You will remember the day you crossed my path. Leave me without a guard and you feel my wrath. What you have done to me has made me bitter and cruel. I’ll see that all the hate you spread returns to you, you, back to you…

The walls around me, eyes surround me, feed my fear again.
I must be

Razed in Black – Visions "You said it was just for now, the wait is far too long, why can’t we bring things back, just like they were before."

Haddaway – What is love… (IF you can’t figure out why this one makes you think don’t bother going over it)

Atrocity – Cold Black Days

"Get away and your life will be released.
Give away all your dreams and all your sins
You are playing for forgiveness
You cry for help
When your life is over who can tell
You can’t change anything
Your life is just a dream
Nothing real nothing more
Nothing left cause

These are cold black days and
You’re fading away
Life cold dark nights
And you’re longing for light
These are cold days
And you’re running away
To be alive again
To be alive again

Look around emptiness and you are falling
Hear the sound the peal of bells is tolling
You remember sunny days these times are gone
All the lovely words are said and done
You can’t change all the things
Your life is full of dreams
Nothing real nothing more
Nothing left cause "

These songs have parts in them that just make me think. I don’t really know why. I’ve made this entry long enough I suppose I should be getting to bed.

Bye all.