Update.

I have never been very good at standing up for myself.  I think that is pretty apparent looking at my past relationships.  I think my problem is that I always let my partner choose me, I have never been the one to choose them.

How lovely would it be to be able to pick the type of person that I want to spend my time with.  I would choose someone intelligent, loyal, and funny.  I would like someone who shares my religious and political views.  I want someone who will accept that I love true crime.  I want someone who laughs at farts.  I want someone who knows every Metallica song there is.  I want someone with dreams and ambitions.  I want someone that will never cheat on me.

Michael wants me to forgive him.  He says we can move past this, that our love can repair it.  It is getting harder and harder to say no.  I fear that eventually I will give in, go back and deep down know that I am with the wrong person.  I do love him, more than anything.  But, this man cheated on me for years.  Habitually.  For YEARS!  And his excuse, oh I was trying to keep her happy so I don’t have to pay child support.  That is a crock of shit.  All you had to do was take a DNA test to PROVE that isn’t your child to support.  He cheated because he is a liar.  He is a cheater.  He is selfish.  He is a coward.

My life is a mess.  You’d think that a responsible christian-raised dean’s list college graduate wouldn’t be so pathetic.  But I am.  I am pathetic.  I need to be stronger.  I need to stand up for myself.  I am 32 years old.  Enough is enough already!