Ain’t my problem.

He ain’t my problem now. After months of reflecting and going back and forth about how I truly feel about my ex, I have come to a conclusion, although not as solid yet as I would want it to be, that he is someone else’s problem now.

After watching countless videos on attachment styles, mental health issues, after reading hundreds of articles and forums, I am able to understand that that’s just how he is. He is a fearful avoidant and the way he acted and treated me towards the end of the relationship was just how he is wired to be. It has nothing to do with my character as an individual. I have my own personal issues as well. I was definitely not a perfect girlfriend. I suffer from anxiety disorder but I do believe that I was able to control it during the relationship. I know that I tried so hard to address the issues through communication but obviously, I cannot be the only one doing that.

To the girl he cheated on me with and left me for, he is your problem now. Not to sound bitter or anything but believe me when I say, you will see what he is truly like. Just you wait. You think he’s sweet and all? JUST YOU WAIT.

I know that sounds harsh but it is what it is. It was what it was when he treated me like I was disposable. So there.

Girl, he’s your problem now. Good luck dealing with his hot and cold behavior, his mood swings, his untrusting instincts even when you have given him no reasons to distrust you or to doubt how you truly feel towards him. I loved him and maybe deep inside, I still do. Actually, no. I still do. I will not lie to myself about my emotions. 5 months is still pretty fresh to me. And maybe to some it was just a short-lived relationship that was destined to fail but I know I gave it my all and it pains me to have seen all my love, efforts and support thrown away like it was nothing.

And to you, I know it’s you who created those fake account/s to watch my instagram stories (LOL). Not that I am trying to feed my delusions here or anything, but darling, I know your patterns. You underestimate my intelligence just because I work in the fashion industry, you assumed that I am nowhere close to being as smart as you are. Anyway, enjoy watching. I’d be sad too if I had lost someone like me because I know I love deep, I have a good heart and pure intentions.

And to whoever is reading this, I know that writing this totally contradicts the title and what I would like to point out here but this is my new avenue in dealing with the grief that I am still trying to get over. So please bear with me as I navigate myself through the path of complete healing. Writing anonymously here has helped me in a way because I am able to put into words what I have been keeping internally. 5 months is still pretty fresh like I mentioned earlier but to most, or at least what I think most people would think is that it is already way too long for me to be stuck in this kind of feeling.