still can’t make up my mind

My feelings have been back & forth like a yo-yo for the past month or 2.  When Chris was in FL, I missed him a lot.  I hung out w/ Cam alone 1 night & felt nothing, & when we went to AC nothing happened.  (Not that I was *looking* for anything to happen, but I figured if we were all drinking in a hotel room something might.)  But when Chris got back, I wasn’t as thrilled about it as I should’ve been.  I was also seriously PMSing which coulda had something to do w/ it, but I still should’ve been happier to see my b/f after missing him for 5 days.
I’m beyond not knowing what I want.  I think a lot of it has to do w/ the fact that I am so friggin bored lately.  I hate my job, I’m fed up with the cold weather, & I’m sick of doing the same thing day after day, night after night.  Chris & I haven’t had sex in over a month, & to be completely honest I have no desire to do anything w/ him lately.  I know it’s not him, it’s me, my sex drive has always been SUPER low.  But I feel bad b/c I know he wants to do it, and he takes it personally that I don’t.  He thinks it’s b/c I don’t find him attractive or some crap, & I guess I can understand his point of view.
Also, when I hook up w/ Cam (always when drunk) we never do more than serious kissing (or cuddling if we are in my bed at the time).  So it’s really not that I am attracted to someone else & NOT Chris.  But I also shouldn’t want to hook up w/ anyone else besides Chris if I’m happy w/ him – so does that mean I’m not?  I really don’t know anymore.  We haven’t fought lately which I guess is good.  But maybe we need to fight to get the passion going again, cuz right now everything is just BLAH boring…
As for everything else, I am still at my horrible job that I hate.  I have been applying for jobs but the market BLOWS right now & I’m not having much luck.  I am so broke from making $10/hr (isn’t minimum wage almost up to that now?!?!?) it isn’t even funny.  I’m still on weight watchers, I lost 15 pounds pretty quick but haven’t really lost any as of late.  I’ve been cheating on the weekends, or drinking so much when I go out that I go way over my points for the day.  It would help if I went to the gym, but I’m too lazy to drive all the way there when I get outta work cuz I’m only 2 min from my house (& 15 from the gym).
That’s really about it for me.  I hope things start to liven up soon, hopefully when the weather *finally* gets warmer it will help.  Hope everyone is having a good March…