~Without God I am lost

The thing I HATE the most about moving is having to tell everyone I meet that I had a child who died. You watch them squirm everytime. There have been times that I almost want to just say (AND have a few times) when asked if I have any kids “Yes I have a daughter” and leave it at that. Typically when I tell someone that I had son who died there is SO MUCH more I want to say and there is not the time to say it. They need to know that I feel God has Perfect Timing and is in Control. They need to know that Life for me is good… although never as good as it once was, but it is pretty good and fun.

But that isn’t what I want to talk about here..

I still have those moments now and then. The reality of the loss of my son, grips me! Brings tears to me. I want to scream! ***IT WASN’T FAIR!*** Even though I know that Heaven is our goal. Even if I feel that Nathan is in a grand awesome place. I just want him here. If I allowed myself to dwell on that passing thought, it might swallow me.

It AMAZES me how I faired through the most depressing, disappointing loss of my life.
It amazes me that Nathan has been gone 12 years. Twice as long as he was alive. It doesn’t seem possible that so much time has past.

Sometimes I wonder if his life was a dream and yet I have pictures to prove it wasn’t and AWESOME Memories. He was one cool kid!

Without God I am Lost!