~Thoughts

Yesterday, I came upon a Diary written by a Young Man about what would have been my Son’s age. In alot ways his Diary is not my type of reading. But the style of it kind of drew you to look around. He wrote about his Life in many Entries, from when he was born to now. He talked about being shy, about having Friends, about Discovering his Body, about having Girlfriends, about trying to Fit In, about going to School (H.S & College), about his Family. He talked about being a Virgin and why he made the choice to stay one till the right time. He shared Pictures of himself, and others and places he had lived. It made everything come alive. It was interesting to read.

It made me think about my own Son and what he would write today if he was alive and had a Diary. It made me wonder if him and his Friends had wondered about their own Bodies by age 12… And we’ll never know…… Course I would of probably never known anyways. So to read this Diary, and to read the Mind of a Young Man about my Son’s age, was interesting.

I read a book of late about a boy who had a misshaped head. They did some surgery to try to correct it. It helped but didn’t make it perfect. Several months later something started going wrong. He spent months in a Coma. His Brain was swelling. (had I known this was a book about that I would not of read it. I don’t need to hear about how someone survived, why them and not us?) I read how the Doctor cut into his Brain to release the pressure. I don’t know why the Jerk Doctor we had wouldn’t do that. He could see that this boy was dying. So why not do all you can to try and save someone? If I am in the Understanding, doing that sort of thing was very new at the time. Not many Doctors were willing to try it. Still the guy was a Jerk. We only wanted to know what he could do to relive the pressure. It was an honest question, we didn’t know anything or if anything. We weren’t suggesting anything. He was the Doctor. In some ways I’d like to Sue him. Teach him a lesson for being a Jerk at a Tender time and for not trying to do all that he could to save this our Son.

What doesn’t make any Sense is why some Brat kid can raise hell and hurt others and continue on Living. Or why someone can get so sick or so hurt and their body twisted and they recover. And then my sweet Son, who was in Excellent health can have Blood Vessels that decide to Explode when he was 12. Snuffing the life out of him.

And then I have to fall back on that God was in Control and God had Perfect Timing. I have to fall back that the Blood Vessels were inoperable because of where they were. Those two things are the only things that make any sense. These two things are the ONLY things that keep me from being Consumed with the What If’s.