~Same Name

I have a friend in Colorado who I have known since 1989, She is one of the first people I got to know at my Church. They too moved there about the time we did. I recall the first time I ask to get together with her. I was drawn to her cause of her Talkative, Bold, Cheery Self. She seemed like some one I would like to get to know… She attended the Bible Study I had my Home for several years. She is part of a Group of 4 Ladies (me included) who has gotten together for Lunch every few months and every time I come to Colorado since 1989. She was a good friend when my Son Died. She has been there for me the best she could even though she has 6 Kids and they have all been very involved in Church, Band, Soccer, Dance, Modeling, Acting. She always has more on her Plate than she really needs to have. She is a Woman on the Constant Go…Her one Daughter was a year younger than Sarah and for several years they were best Friends… then they drifted apart.  My Friend and her Husband came to visit us several times in Las Cruces when her yiungest Daughter had Band Competition in our Town and they stated with us… When Sarah got married they were the only Friends and two of their Daughters from out of town that came to her Wedding. They were there the day before and the day after.

This past December in my Friend’s Christmas Update letter she said her Daughter (who Sarah was Friends with) was getting married this Summer. I was planning on going. Finally the announcement came.. It was for June 5th…. Then I read the Guy’s name she was getting married to… of all names…. NATHAN…..

How odd that would be to hear, “Will you Nathan take….” I told my Daughter about this and she didn’t see it was any big deal…. I told my Husband about this and he too didn’t see it as any big deal.  I’m not sure I should of made it a Big Deal…. I would never get to know a person if I Knew they had a Son named Nathan… or even a Son in Law named that. I don’t want to hear about Nathan this and Nathan even if it is their Nathan. The fact is, MY Nathan isn’t here and he can’t this and that. I am Jealous that other Nathan’s can.

I knew I wouldn’t go to the Wedding. I felt bad though. Bad cause I wanted to be there in their Daughter’s Celebration and also cause they all felt it was important enough  for them all to come to my Daughter’s Wedding, I should of done the same. Friends do that for one another. I mailed off my Card saying that we would not attend.

 Last Sunday, my Friend called me up cause Sarah had not mailed off her Card yet. Sarah was not attending because she has School this Summer. And she couldn’t afford to miss a Weekend of Painting for all the Projects that are due each week. My Friend said she was Sad I wasn’t coming.. She then inserted also though that I wouldn’t be coming for her but for her Daughter and her Finance. I told her about the Name Thing. She said she hadn’t thought of that. I am not even sure if she understands why I would feel that….. that it would be awkward for me.
She then went on to say how all this family can’t come because of Graduations and other things.. How they invited 250 people and probably less than 100 will be coming.  I sat there wondering WHY she was telling me all this.. I already felt AWFUL for not going… I was quiet for a bit… I then asked her if she told me all that to make me feel bad (cause she was doing a REALLY good job of it). She said she was not. I told Sarah about my Friend calling and making me feel bad. Sarah didn’t see it like that.. She saw it as a Friend telling another Friend about the Guest List.  I know my Friend would of told me about the Guest List even had I been going.

I seriously thought about how I might get to Colorado today…  I am going to Colorado in the Summer but I don’t want to go till July cause I have a good Friend who is always occupied in June and I want to be sure I can visit her a Bunch so I always wait till July to go.  If I had gone in June I’d of got little to no visit with her….. And yet here it is June 5th and I am not there. It weighs heavy on me. I feel bad for not Sucking my Feelings up and going… My Gosh we are at the almost 8 year Mark. I probably could of done this.. And had I lived in Town I probably would of Gone. But living 13 hours away, made it easier for me…  For all I know it may have been no big deal, but I didn’t want to go and find out incase it had been a big Deal. So I Copped out of it. And I feel Bad.

I really would of loved being there to see her get Married. I would of loved to of been included in the celebration. I’m sorry I missed it. I really am.