~OMGosh!

OH MY GOSH!

Yesterday we placed our name on the Form at Church that said we wanted to be a Master’s Commission Home Openers. WE have been thinking about doing this for a Year now. We would be giving a Home to a young person while they are in the program. That afternoon I was thinking in my head about of all the names in the World, just WHAT IF….. they called up & said they had a boy named Nathan for us. (Our son’s name is NATHAN). Oh course I didn’t really think that would happen..

Just briefly ago I got a Call from the person heading this up in our Church. She said there was a Boy from another State coming in & his name is NATHAN. And would this work for us?
Man I lost it! OH— my— GOSH!
I just don’t think so!
In Two days will be the 6th Anniversary of Nathan’s Heaven Date.
I’m wondering, Was this meant to be? We know that God knows our situation. They have prayed about who they will assign people with. How Ironic is this?
OH MY GOSH….. I just don’t know…..

I finally got ahold of Brian & he said I am to tell them we need someone else.. I know there is a Local Kid needing a Home who is in this Program. (In the First year of the program, they can’t stay with their parents).
I wonder now.. are we really ready for this? I think it will be hard no matter what the Name. Yet we feel we are ready to stretch ourselves to New Adventures.

This part written- 8-29-02

Tuesday I went to Bible Study. I told the Pastor’s Wife about the day before Phone Call. She told me that we needed to Pray about this before we make our choice. Well I wasn’t going to Pray cause I KNEW I couldn’t do it. But she felt that it seemed like there was something to this all in light of all the Ironic of it all. I then went to the Young Woman whom is part of heading this up & told her no way could we do this. She said she kinda of thought that & said almost called me back on Monday. Then she made a comment about that she would have to see if anymore homes were needed for more Students. (yet the day before she lead me to believe there was another Male & several Females needing Homes). I told her that if it turns out there all the Students have Homes then that was ok & we’d wait for next year.

So I came home & got Online. I told Brian that it was this Student named Nathan or no one. So we discussed it. I couldn’t get over the fact of the whole Coincidence of it all. I felt God was saying something but I didn’t know What or Why. There HAD to a be a purpose as to why things landed the way they did. (I believe there is a Purpose in ALL things even if I don’t understand or if it doesn’t make sense, or if I think it isn’t Fair). I felt that God was making some sort of statement but I didn’t know what. Maybe HE felt we could do this & I didn’t want to turn my back necessarily on it. Yet sometimes I wonder about the things God *thinks* we can deal with. Is HE out of HIS Mind? LOL

After some thought & our talking, Brian felt he could do this (although initially he wanted them to switch this Student with another). He wanted me to say Yes or No to him, but instead I kept giving him reasons why I felt a leading towards doing this. I wasn’t sure how I would fair really, I envisioned it to be hard, yet I would never really know till I tried. I couldn’t help but wonder about the Blessing that God had in store for us. I figured I would never call the Student by his name but as *Hey You* L0L. Brian got to thinking about the Profound Testimony we would have at the end of 9 Months. He said that it was Ironic the way that God works in our Lives sometimes… With it all being 6 years almost to the day, same name etc. Yet Brian did also wonder how the Student would feel knowing we had had a boy named Nathan who Died & was the same age. He also wondered about how Sarah might feel.

So Brian called them up. It was less than an hour since I had talked to the Woman. I knew she and others were going to lunch soon. So I hoped she hadn’t already reassigned this Student in that short amount of Time. They weren’t there. So Brian left his Number.

Sarah called & I told her. She said that she hopes I told them to give us someone else. Then she said if we did this that it would be hard for her to come over. Yet she couldn’t get over how Ironic it all was. That God has HIS Reasons & she knew we had to follow through no matter what or how it would make her feel.

Brian called them again about 2:15pm. He came back Online & said…….. that this person had been reassigned already. No one else available at this time. Then I found out the Woman did it right after I talked to her on the phone on Monday. Ok that kind of irked me. I had told her I would get back with her. My Gosh I went through 24 hours of anxiety over this!

Brian said that maybe this was how it was suppose to work out. I feel this woman who is in her early 20’s Jumped the Gun. I think with a little more maturity behind her, she’d of waited till we got back with her. She may of Robbed us of a wonderful Blessing. Now I feel ripped off. I just couldn’t believe that God would allow all this for the heck of it. There HAD to be a reason.

Brian said that there’s another way to think about this that may be as equally important. He said that had we got another name we would have said Yes right away. But maybe a few months down the road we might of wondered what we got ourselves into. With us being given this familiar name of *Nathan* our first reaction was *No*, & then it made us have second thoughts about being an Home Opener. So I guess what the purpose of all this was, was to show us that even though We are Willing, we may not be ready yet. As much as it Bugged me that the Young Woman didn’t wait for my Response before reassigning the Student, I can see that it was all in God’s Perfect Timing.

We know the Door hasn’t closed yet. Something could come up in any one of those Home Openers Lives & they would be needing for someone to step up and house that Student. Our Door will be Open. And should that moment arrive, we will Pray about it first.

The one thing I learned this week was the Emotions it brought forth in me. My Gosh I didn’t think all that was still in me! It only made me realize how well I have worn the MASK! How underneath it, I am still fragile even after 6 years!