~ Odd

A few months ago my Dad died.. In his Case as I see it, He gave up on Life after the death of his step-son and other prior losses combined. His poor health also was a culprit and discouraging. However some of it some which he brought on himself due to poor care of self. And then he was just lonely after going into an Assistant Living Faculty.

I was there to see him and talk with him as he drifted in and out of sleep. In some cases he had great conversations with people. I was there as they gave him more drugs for the Comfort Care he asked for. Comfort Care = Exceptionable Suicide.. (the way I see it). I got the call at 6am to say it wouldn’t be long and an hour later I got the Call that he was gone.

Before I contacted my Brother I took a Moment of Silence. 1/2 a tear slid down my face. THAT was the extent of my emotion.
I didn’t feel any heaviness in my heart. I didn’t feel any overwhelming of that I will miss him. I didn’t feel any added anything other at the funeral. I felt like I feel any other day.

Dad’s grow old and die. We all know it will happen one day. I accept that.

He was a Wonderful Dad. We were Close. I am thankful for him. He enriched and Blessed my Life.

Will I miss seeing him or hearing his voice from time to time.. you bet, but it isn’t going to shake me.. and then I will think about the great times we had. I will feel thankfulness for them.

AND NOW
….. another……
My Good Friend… Like a Sister and Sister-in-Law died kind of unexpectedly April 5th.

She had Diabetes brought on by weight issues when she was pregnant. It was always a threat that it would remain of she didn’t lose the weight. She started smoking again at some point.. a bad combo for those with Diabetes. She had a Quad Bypass in 2003. In 2007 she was told her kidney’s were failing and she had 6 months to live. She lost a Leg this past fall. She Loved Smoking! She was in Congestive Heart Failure.

When I got the Call from one of her Children I said, “Bummer” and then “I’m Sorry”. I felt 1/2 tear slid down my face. THAT was the extent of my emotion. I had a Moment of Silence before I went to tell Brian his Sister had died.
I didn’t feel any heaviness in my heart. I didn’t feel any overwhelming of that I will miss her.
However-
Will I miss seeing her or hearing her voice from time to time.. you bet, but it isn’t going to shake me.. and then I will think about the great times we had. I will feel thankfulness for them.

Does that just seem ODD? That I can not feel anything more than “bummer” and then carry on as usual?

When other’s more consumed about the loss of these two people ask how I am doing.. I am at loss for words.. Um .. Ok.. alright.. I do have to pretend to some degree that I feel more than a slight twinge of sadness.. Or at least show that I do have empathy for them.

I know everyone is different.

In my SIL’s case I know she is in Heaven.. In my Dad’s case I am not sure and yet in both cases I accept their death as part of life.. We all go some time one way or the other.
Ok he was 78 and she was 56.. I do feel bad for the tremendous loss it is to her young adult Children and their Children, but it is what it is and they will go on.

It all reminds me of in December 2005 my really good friend in Phoenix died suddenly due to Congestive Heart Failure and Pneumonia. My initial reaction was a Moment of Silence before (in this case) I cried the whole day and then never again. I missed her often but I couldn’t help but feel an just am overwhelming Blessing of having known her. Every time I have thought of her I smile and feel honored for having her as my friend.

Anyways Odd or not.. I am GLAD I feel as I do.

EDIT: Of course I would be inhuman if I didn’t feel a little sadness.. As the days pass I think about what will be no more..
Still though there is something about living far away and not visiting very often that softens this loss.