~No Merry

I don’t do Merry Christmas to anyone… Or even Happy Holidays, but I do hope they have a nice time. It’s just that MERRY and HAPPY in the Greiving World, or even in the Lonely World, isn’t very *Merry and Happy*. I can’t bring myself to say that to anyone. Even in my Christmas Cards I try to have them say things like (and these are the two I sent out this year)-
“May the Special Delights of the Season be years to Share and Enjoy”
Christmas is a time to remember those we’re fondest of…. those who fill our lives over with Joy and Warm over Hearts with Love. May Your Christmas Be Special in Every Way”

So when people wish me a Merry Christmas, Happy New year, Happy Birthday, etc…  I am thankful for the well wish, but I can’t bring myself to say that in Return. I am tongue tied and I say nothing, usually.
If anyone gets a Happy anything from me it’s rare.

Christmas this year was different. We had no Tree or Decorations of any kind cause we are moving and we were going out of Town.

Every Christmas that passes seems to be easier without Nathan being here. Maybe just knowing that he would be 20 now and I am not seeing toys he is missing out on that I could of bought. I think that helps too. Bottomline, at this point there really is no certain day that makes me miss him more. It’s really only in those unexpected times when a memory triggers the Longing and Missing.

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<3

December 28, 2004

Take care. Blessings.

RYN: Thank you for your note.

December 28, 2004

*HUGS* RYN: Thank you for the note

December 28, 2004

Parents who have lost children and then must carry on have a very heavy burden. No one who has not been there can possibly understand, so I won’t say I do. I so admire you, though. I pray for you that gradually some of the pain will be replaced with peace and that you will begin to take joy in the memories.

December 28, 2004

i understand. take care,

December 29, 2004

I hope you find reason to smile today

December 29, 2004

I can’t shake the image of J’s 18 yr old classmate who was killed in a car accident on the Monday before Christmas and all the presents that must have been under trees and I wonder if they are still there. Can they touch them? The outside decoration lights are on(noticed that tonight) at the house. My thoughts continue to be with them and that doesn’t help them at all. Peace to you my friend. ~p

December 29, 2004
December 29, 2004

God bless…. i can only imagine how much more difficult it is to go thru the “holidays” knowing a part of you is not there to share the “joyeous” season… none the less I pray that the season goes smoothly for you 🙂

December 30, 2004

I can relate so well to your last statement.

i understand. *hug*

January 2, 2005