~Keeping Afresh

Some weeks ago at one of the Bible Studies I attend, the subject was on a few Bible people who were raised from the Dead. A lot was said and my mind began to wander. I thought about Nathan coming back to life. I envision him being 12 still. He would go to our house and find strangers living there. He would go to Tina’s house and find a stranger there too. He would be worried, wondering what happened to us.. (he probably knows we have moved, but that thought wasn’t in my envision) he would go over to one of his Friend’s houses and find out that we had moved. Wouldn’t it be a Trip for him to be back in our lives and he was still 12…

This Bible Study I attend on Tuesday’s two of my friend’s from the Grief Group attend. We nomally sit together. About a month ago we were talking, about our Boys. One Woman and I could relate to something but now I can’t recall what that was.. and as she spoke I could feel the tears building in my eyes as they built up in hers. No one EVER sees me cry, so that fact that I came so close was surprising.

This last Tueday….. Tammy and I were the last to leave the Grief Group. She drove down the road and rounded the corner and past the Street Light. I followed and when I past the Street Light it went off… What the? That was wild! The Street Lights just never flick off any more.. (see the  3-7-2000 Entry) I realize that street lights do go off but when they go off when I was just talking about Nathan is just plan weird!

The question in the Grief Group this past week was, “What did you do to survive the Holiday’s?”. Some people said they went away, just their family. I said what was most helpful was spending it with lots of family. Perferably going to their house. It seems to take the akwardness that someone is missing when we are at someone’s elses house.

If it wasn’t for this Grief Group I attend every other Tuesday night I would probably rarely think about Nathan and rarely to never talk about Nathan. Having the opportunity to talk with those who have walked my shoes keeps my mind fresh in how I felt, and ables me to be able to talk about Nathan’s death easier.. It’s when I rarely talk about him that it becomes hard to talk about it all. I don’t want to get to that  place, I need to keep it somewhat fresh.