~In Memory of……….

In Sarah’s 9th grade Yearbook, in the back there was a memorial thing to a kid who should of graduated that year. But he had died. His parents made up a memorial thing and got it printed in the yearbook. They had a Picture of him at the top and then about 300 different things about him- sayings he said, things he ate, things he liked to do etc. When I saw that I knew that is what I would do. Before the 1st Heaven Anniversary I wanted to have this completed. Brain and Sarah helped. Then at Christmas time I gave most of my relatives a Framed Memory thing, with his picture in it. It tells so much about him.

We had a Memorial Fund go to our Church when Nathan died. Although I’m not sure why we did that. Our Senior Pastor said that some people want to give and they don’t want to give flowers that fade away, so a Memorial Fund was the thing to do. After several months we got a total. There wasn’t much. I’m not really sure how it is that Memorial Funds are suppose to go. Who decides what is done with that money. In the beginning Brian and I talked about it being given to the Royal Rangers for their camping gear. And it was suggested to me by someone on the Staff that we give it to Children’s Church. Nathan didn’t even like that baby Children’s Church, so why would I want to give it to them? Actually it made me feel bad, cause this is what I wanted to do and they wanted me to do something else. So I sat on it for awhile. And then I wished we would of never got the Fund. I just didn’t want to deal with it and didn’t for along time.

About 1 1/2 years later, the Children’s Church Pastor talked to me about Art Work (pictures) for the classrooms. I thought that sounded pretty good. Then several months after that our Senior Pastor’s 12 y/o Son was killed, July 1998, and any Art Work thought was put to the side. I was in California at the time and my husband called and told me. I couldn’t believe how hearing that news affected me. It brought me back to Square One, in my Grief. I had memory loss, I cried often, I couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t keep my mind focused. And I hurt so bad for them knowing what we had gone through, and knowing what they were now going through. I still to this day can not believe that their son is gone. And when I think about it I want to scream NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! for them. Nathan and their son Jory were 1 year apart. Jory was the only boy at Church that Nathan felt liked him. Nathan never felt that he fit in there. But he felt that Jory was a friend. Now they are together in Heaven having a good ole time. 🙂

We moved and left that Memorial Fund behind. Then last Spring I e-mail the Children’s Church Pastor and asked if anything had ever been done with the money. He said no. It was starting to bug me that nothing had been done with that money. I told them I would be there in the Summer and would like to see something done with the money. A few months later the Children’s Church Pastor wrote me and said that 3 pictures were chosen. They are in Gold Frames about 2 by 3 feet. Each Picture has Children in it. Two I think have Jesus in them. They all have Scripture on them. I was pleased to hear this.

Last Summer 99′ I was in Colorado Springs, and I view them. They are along one long wall. They are nice! I’m happy about them. But seeing the Gold Engraved Words in each corner was like a Slap in the Face. “In Memorial of Nathan F.” A reminder that he REALLY is GONE!

🙁