~Grief Workshop-2

Workshop #2: SURVIVING THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE THROUGH SUICIDE:
This workshop was to offer ideas on surviving the loss of someone through Suicide. It was to emphasize what we can do to survive and how we can support those who are surviving the loss of a loved one. There were two people who shared their story. What they can now see lead up to, and how they have worked through their grief.. One of the things I think I always thought people felt was Anger.. *Like how could you do this to me/us?* But these two people said they never felt anger. The one talked about Mental Illness.. made me wonder if I should maybe learn more about Mental Illness, Understand it better.

The one woman who’s popular Attorney Husband committed Suicide said.. She couldn’t focus on the Why’s, cause there was so many. And to do so was hurting her and doing no good. She came to her conclusion that This was something he wanted to do. He made the choice. He took Control. ……The other woman who talked, her Dad committed Suicide in their house. And how bably they were treated by the Police. (like they were on suspicion). They both said that people asked them if something had to be wrong within the house like if there was marriage problems or job problems that people tend to think that first, that it must be someone else’s fault why a person would make such a choice… They also both talked about that they needed to tell the story over and over like in any other type of Grief.

They said that typically More Men than Women succeed in Committing Suicide because they hold things in and when they get to that point, it’s beyond reasoning. For Women it’s more of a Cry for help. Women tend to use Pills, Slit Wrists and they sometimes call someone to tell about it. Men use Guns. One man spoke up, he is a Counselor in an Elementary School and he finds young children talking about suicide. 1st graders talking about how they felt like riding their bikes into a car’s path… Sheesh that is scary….

My 3rd Workshop: WHEN A BABY DIES
It talked about the various situation in the death of a Baby that people grieve over. And how to support someone who has experienced this. The speaker said that Miscarriages aren’t talked about much.. Cause so many get the idea that it isn’t as great of loss at an in the flesh baby.. You know I have been guilty of that thought myself. The Speaker talked of Infertility, Miscarriage, Abortion, Stillbirth, Multiple losses, Intrapartum, Neonate Death, Gender, Birth Defects & Sids. And how Parents feel in all those situations. She said that you tend to find people asking the Husband at work how his Wife is doing and fail to ask the Man how he is doing as if his Grief is less somehow.

She talked about when a Woman has a Miscarriage that she asks them *What sex did they think if was going to be? *What were they going to call the baby? She said that people tend to think on the date that the miscarriage happened but they don’t think about that the Due Date might be a Hard Date. Or going to the Mall and seeing Woman Pregnant. She said that so many weeks after a woman has a Miscarriage that they are seen by a Doctor and they have to walk into the Doctor’s office and sit among all those pregnant Women. She said that some keep an Mental calendar thinking that their child would of gotten their Drivers License at this time, etc. (but I think that is the same for other Child deaths… I know I will think that way in May of 2002, knowing my son should of graduated. I plan on sending some of his friends Graduation Cards).

This was a great class to end of cause this next part was just so Cool what they do… It was about Stillborns. The Speaker talked about that they encourage the Parents to hold the Baby. To Inspect it’s body. To see similarities between the baby and the parents… To see- *Oh She has the Mother’s nose, or He has the Father’s hands, etc. They encourage the naming of the Baby, and discourage saving that name for the next Baby. They take Foot and Hand Prints and this way the Parents can see how big or little the baby was. They take a picture of the baby.. They bath the baby and clothe it in these little outfits made for them. A group of ladies make these little Outfits in various sizes with little caps cause sometimes the head is deformed. They are Lilac in Color. She said that many times the Baby doesn’t look too good and Lilac is the best Photogenic Color. They also put a rattle in the baby’s hand. I know that years back when a Stillborn took place in many causes the parents never saw the baby, or only briefly. Now it’s just the opposite. I remember when first getting Online and I came across sites where the parents actually posted a picture of their Dead Baby. It took me a short time to realize that this is something they needed to do. Just whatever they could grasp onto .. anything about their Child.

And then at this Hospital they have Memory Boxes made by a group of ladies. And the Picture of the Baby, Foot and Hand Prints, a Lock of hair (if there is some) goes inside. They said that some parents don’t want this initially, and so they save them, forever until one day the parents decide they do want it. I thought that was SO Cool! When I was telling my husband about this last workshop I cried.

Overall, the Conference was Pretty Good. Though at first I thought it was just Ok. But now that I have gone over my notes and Pieced this together I find that I walked away with new thoughts. It was nice to know they feel and teach fairly much like I have experienced in my own Grief.

At the end of the Conference, they wanted you to write down on this card the Good that has come from your Grief (your Situation). Sounds terrible doesn’t it to find something good from a bad situation. I have know for a long time what good Stemmed from my Grief.
First of all I became more Compassionate. Second I realized so many things aren’t as important as I once thought them to be. I let the little things slide off my back. Thirdly I discovered that everyone Grieves different and I can’t make Clueless judgments about people. There is no Wrong or Right way. And Fouthly I learned though being Online and chatting with others that no Death is worse… That what YOU are going through is the Worse for YOU.