~ A Revelation

I was leaving a Note at a Diary today and I had like a Revelation.

It seems that ever since Nathan Died that I feel I can’t think about Negative things. Cause if I allow a Negative thought to last longer than a second, then I have Willed it to happen.
Like it really ticks me off when people will say- “I’ll be praying for your Traveling Mercies”. Well Thank-you very much. You just signed my Death Certificate.. You know if I wanted you to Pray for my Traveling Mercies I’d of asked you! And since I didn’t, Mind your own Business!

So why do I feel this way? The only thing I can think of was on July 25th 1996 as we were headed out to the BMX Track, I thought to myself- “Maybe I should take the Car in case something Happens” I thought on it a bit then thought that was crazy and rode with them on my Bike. But sure enough, He had his Bike Accident.. Now the Bike Accident wasn’t the cause of his Death, but it was the beginning of things to come.

So when we were in the Hospital and he was dying, I refused to allow my Mind to even go there.. and he died anyways…
So OK it’s not a Good Theory, but even still..

And it is not just for things concerning Death, but other things too. I just don’t Dwell on the What If’s and Could haves. I don’t want to Jinx anything.

I was talking with an Elderly Woman the other day about how some people can say.. “Ok this Sucks, but Life Goes On” and rest then they rest in Jesus’s Arms… And how others allow themselves to be the Victim and have a Continual Pity Party for years.

She then was talking about how my Son is in Heaven (of which I know. Heaven is our Goal). As she was talking I felt tears begin to form. That just doesn’t happen often.
I miss that Boy.