~2002 Grief Conf. 1

When sitting in a Conference, or in Church, or at your child’s School Program, PLEASE DON’T sit forward and then back or lean to the side or cock your head to one side… NO MATTER if the person in front of you just did it to you and now Blocks your View. Cause when you do what they do then you block the view of the people behind you. It’s like the Domino Effect! Chalk it up to the fact that you should up sat up closer And you should of got there sooner to sit up Closer! A lesson for the next time!

Here I am, sitting at the 13th Annual Growing through Grief Conference. This is my second year. The reason I go to these things is to gain Wisdom. There are various subjects that you can pick from of Classes. I go so any Nugget of information I gather, I can use in my Grief Support of others. Last year I picked Classes that did not pertain to me personal, but that I wanted to Understand better.

The first meeting met on Thursday, March 7th at 7:00pm at a Local Church. As I sat in the back, I watched people walk in.. What brings them? I do happen to know that they were a mixture of Students, Grief Workers, and The Public.

The Woman (Joyce) who spoke on Thursday Night, told many stories. 2 of which I want to share.
This woman works in a Level 1 Trauma Center and Counsels people in Grief. The First story is about a woman named Tara. Tara had been married a few years. As time went on Her Husband discovered he had a heart problem. A Simple problem or so they thought. One Day Her husband went to the hospital and while he was there found that he needed to stay. He called her up to bring some change of clothes and a Book. When she got there she was told he had just died. She was 7 months pregnant at the time. 3 week later she had her monthly checkup and there was something wrong and she have a C-Section. Her Baby was Stillborn. Joyce was called in to talk to this woman. It seems she would talk to no one, and was throwing stuff at them when they entered her room. Joyce cautiously went into her room. There were several people in this room and she asked everyone their name. Then she came upon Tara. Tara told Joyce that her family had died. Tim was her Husband and Sarah was her Daughter. And Joyce said, “FOREVER” Tim would always be her Husband and Sarah always her daughter. Tara and Joyce became friends. Tara would call Joyce up and just sob into the phone, and Joyce would just LISTEN. I took note of both of those. *Forever and Listen* About a Year past and Tara went back to school and got another Degree working in the field of Grief. Her husband enjoyed Music, and so she started a Music Memorial in Memory of her husband so Poor kids could have an Instrument in School. Just thinking about how in her grief that she turned it around and something good came out of it all.

Then there was Beatrice. Beatrice was Joyce’s Mother. Beatrice was in very good health but had had Alzheimer’s for about 25 years and lived in a Care Facility. One night she got a Phone call from her Dad, saying that her Mother was Dead. She died by the hands of another Resident. When Joyce got off the Phone, she turned to her husband and said, Don’t Ever put me in a Nursing Facility, and I’ll never put you in one. We’ll just put Plastic Bags over our heads. Her Husband looked at her and said, “Right NOW?” Joyce said that in the mist of Sadness that Humor also had a place.
Long ago Joyce had mourned for the loss of the Mother that was no longer the Mother she once knew. Joyce always thought that it would probably be a good thing when her Mother died. To be out of the torture that robbed her Mother’s memory. But this, changed everything! Someone taking her Mother’s Life. It wasn’t fair! This is not the way things were suppose to go. She hadn’t considered death in this way. In order for Joyce to deal with her Death she had to reframe the Circumstances (I would call this justify). She said that she reasoned in her head that if her Mom had, had the chance to live another 15 years as she was or die now, that she would of chose to die now. This helped her to make some sort of sense to her Mon’s death. She said everyone does this to some degree. And I could relate to that. I too justified why I thought this was God’s Perfect Timing.

Then Joyce went on to talk about Philosophy of Role. She said That she went in to visit this one old guy in the hospital. Asked him if she could do anything for him. He asked her for a HOT cup of coffee. He said that the Coffee he had been served in the last few days had been lukewarm. He just wanted some Hot Coffee. So she went to the Cafeteria and got him some Hot Coffee. He was so very Appreciative… The net day when she came into the Hospital she was told this Man had died the Night before. She had no idea he was close to death. But she felt good that she was to do something so little for someone, and that little thing meant so much.. Made me think that maybe he was waiting to die till after he got his Hot Cup of Coffee. And once he did, then all was Well.

She said that “Whatever you use to keep the Pain at Bay, robs us of the Flecks & Nuggets of Gold that feeling Grief will give you.”……. I thought that was an interesting statement… (Actually quoted from a Book)

~to be Continued~