~2 Dreams

Twice last week I have dreamed of Nathan. The first Dream left me feeling Melancholy all day.

It was a weird thing. I dreamed I was visiting my SIL & BIL in Mexico. I was waiting at their House for the Police to come to report some man for attacking me whom I knew in my dream. My SIL & BIL did Foster Care (and true they have done that). For some reason they had my son. I was in the house talking to my BIL while my SIL was out side very harshly scolding my son and another little girl. It was ticking me off cause he is such a sensitive boy and never needed that kind of talking to. I said to my BIL that IF my son grew up be rebel I would hold them accountable for their treatment of him. But if my son turned out to be a great person I would Praise them for their raising of him. A little later it was bed time. And I went in to comfort Nathan and give him a hug. He seemed sad. He said he had just took a shower. I got into his bed and hugged him but at first he didn’t hug me. He seemed hesitate. Then I pulled him closer and he Hugged me. I told him what a Great Hugger he was. Then I woke up.

I was very bothered as heck about the treatment of my son in my dream all day long. And yet remembering the Hug. Every time I dream of Nathan I know that he has died. And yet within my dreams it doesn’t matter, he is still so real in them.

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Then the other dream was weirder cause I don’t recall seeing Nathan. I had taken Nathan to this Place for many weeks. It was a place to take kids for some sort of Treatment. Then the day arrived to go pick him up. The Halls were crowded with parents and their kids. I was wondering which room my son was in. One of the head Women in my BSF Group was in this dream and she told me to go over there to the head office and get this slip and room number. The woman asked me my son’s name. And next to his name was my First name and my Maiden Last name. I told her that was my Maiden name. I couldn’t figure out why she had that down or where she got it from. She hesitated… but then said that the Maiden name was ok. She gave me two pieces of paper that I was to Sign my name on one and do something with the other,. Then she ripped them up and handed them to me and told me to take them to the room and there I would sign my name on one and write down what my occupation was. And that the two had to match up with what I had done before. As I went looking for this room I wondered what I had actually said my occupation was. I think I had said Housewife, although at times I recall jokingly saying and writing it down on forms (in real life)- House Goddess, LOL. And I wasn’t sure what to sign on the other paper. My real last name or my Maiden. And I thought about what if they wouldn’t let me have Nathan cause I messed up in signing my name or forgot about what I really said about my occupation. I continued looking for his room….. Then I woke up. I tried to go back to sleep but it felt late and time to get up. It was late… 10:30am.

So I never did get to find him. Just as I for the time being….. won’t find him. I Know where he is but I can’t reach him. I can’t bring him back. He is there in Heaven forever. Never to return to His Earthly Home. But one day I will join him. What a Glorious Reunion that will be!