Delete

I’m thinking of getting rid of all social media. I find myself checking it constantly, looking for any sign of life from Max. When I do find something, I am devastated. Even the smallest thing shakes me to the core. It’s pathetic.

I have his entire family on my FB. It hurts to see family gatherings that I am no longer a part of. 

This is just too hard. I can’t deal with it.

I see all these pics of people enjoying the holiday with the people they love, and I want that so bad – a family of my own. A family to celebrate with, to laugh with, to grow with and to love. But I’m getting older and I know my chances are slim. I might be mourning that fact more than Max.

I know I’m in a shitty mood, but I’m tired of trying to build myself up by telling myself Mr. Right will come along someday. That’s what every single woman says, and it’s really just bullshit. 

I’m just not very optimistic right now.

Today I will drink until I can’t feel anything anymore.