Awkward

A few girls from work invited me out Saturday. I was nervous about it, but I agreed. I need to get out more.

I woke up early and went to the salon. It truly helped with my confidence which had been running on empty lately.

Then I got ready…

I curled my new caramel and blonde locks into bouncing spirals with my bangs swooping across my eye. I wore short light denim shorts, wedged tan heels, and a mint spaghetti strapped tank top. My makeup was natural but I painted on some black eyeliner to make my eyes pop, and made my lips a pretty pastel pink. The look was finished with some gold hoop earrings and bracelets. I felt like I was channeling my inner JLO mixed with a bit of Mariah Carey. LOL

I went for a casual, but sexy look.. and I gotta say… I nailed it!

Walking into the bar made me nervous. I had received more attention than I was really ready for. I’m not going to lie, it made me feel good, but I needed more practice with my social skills. I was shy and awkward, and I could feel myself tense up whenever someone would approached me. 

But I did give my # to one guy.

He was charming; 38 years old, 5’9, brown hair and eyes, Italian, jeans, t-shirt, with a baseball hat. He looked younger than his age. He said I looked younger too. He works in construction.

The part that won me over was that he said, "I have no kids and I’ve never been married. But I want both." 

Since when do men admit this when they meet someone!? That’s rare, right? If he only knew that was the reason for my breakup. Irony.

I just said, "Me too." And smiled. He wanted me by his side the whole night, but I didn’t want to ditch the girls, so I told him I would talk with him later. I think he thought I was blowing him off, because he seemed disappointed.

Later around 2am he text me, "It was nice meeting you. Have a good night." 

I didn’t reply. I feel bad. And even worse… I feel like I’m cheating on my ex. How freaking ridiculous is that??!?!? My own loyalty to my ex is hurting me.

And just to make matters worse, my ex’s daughter text me. She’s 11. 

"I miss you so much."
"I miss you too, babe." 
"When can I see you?"
"Whenever your daddy says it’s ok."
"I’m definitely going to ask cuz I can’t stand not seeing you."
"Same here, Love."

🙁