Birds of a Feather?

Still plagued by butterflies. Gigantic ones too.

But I’ve developed a conflict. With the friend. Who’s name also happens to be Nate.

I am in training for my new job, and his best friend sits next to me in class. He teases me about liking his friend. He sounds like an adolesent little girl. Then proceeds to tell me I am nothing more than the “rebound girl”. I am NOT. I know I’m not.

I cried after work. In my car. On the drive home. Because I made a promise to myself to be careful. To not make this a mess. And oh. It just ended up to be horrible timing. That’s it. I talked it over with myself. With both sides of the argument. As usual.

And I decided that I was involved with Nate. Not his friends. And I’m not going to give up. Over two words. Over two rediculous words. That mean nothing. To us. Because we know what it’s all about.

I want to talk to him. Right now. This moment exactly. And I can’t get a hold of him. I want to tell him his friend is a royal dick head. I’ll be over it then. I want to tell him I miss him. Already. The strength of this. Is. Unlike. Anything I have felt before. It’s like. An epiphany that doesn’t fade. You know? I’ve never delt with nerves of this calibure before. I can’t spell.

I loose focus. Doing the dishes. Making my bed. Reading Grimm’s Fairytales. Playing my guitar. I was in such a good mood. I picked up my guitar again. How about that. He makes me feel like all my efforts were never in vein. Ever. I’ll be his grease monkey. I’ll change his brakes. He’d stop for me. He promised. Already.

I don’t understand the science of this. The steps or the reasons. Or the pace we must go. I understand now the insanity of falling.

Partly, I think, I am attempting to incorporate some logic into this. Myself. Knowing all the while it will do no good.

I just want to hear his voice again. I want to affirm this. That I didn’t make him up.

I listen to songs with more heart now. I laugh harder and mean it. All in two days or so. I feel this sting at the core of me. From the gut up. I’m fired up.