1/24/09

I started moving things around today. Anytime we take on a big project Jeff and I always get into it. I don’t know why but we get so aggravated at each other. It kills me! I guess because he has such a hot temper and expects everything to go exactly as planned and it never does. So anyway, when something messes up he immediatly starts ranting and raving. Having grown up in a house where my POS stepdad always had his anger pointed directly at me I automatically assume Jeff’s is also. So I get offended and ill and here goes the fight. Always happens the same way. I know I have issues and I need to work through them. I know the way I grew up isn’t his fault. I just don’t know how or where to begin. I still feel like that wounded six year old when I hear him. Don’t get me wrong he is nothing like my stepdad. He is not abusive or vindictive. But, I just can’t shake that feeling. I love him more than anything. We have been married a little over six years. Honestly, at this point I don’t really see forever in our future. He seems to act like he hates me at times. He acts like every word out of my mouth is the most obnoxious thing he’s ever heard. It makes me really sad. I just don’t know how much longer I can let myself feel unimportant no matter how unintentional it is…..